How to get rid of the fear of failure and be wildly successful at the same time

I read a story yesterday about an executive in a company who walked into a meeting and handed out a number of “Forgiveness Coupons” to each of his staff. He told them that he wanted certain outcomes to be achieved in the company and he expected that they would have to take many risks to do so .  The executive also told his staff that in the process of taking those risks, they would make mistakes.  The coupons were permission to make those mistakes, and they were expected to use the coupons up within the year.  I don’t know about you, but I never had a boss tell me to try something and it was OK, or even expected, to make mistakes along the way.

How good it would feel if you knew that you could try out different ideas or ways of doing something and it didn’t matter if it was not as good as you thought it may be?  Have you heard about Thomas Edison and how many attempts he made to find the right material for the filament in the light bulb? Here is what he had to say about that

“I failed my way to success”.
Thomas Edison

What about the many attempts made to invent what we now take for granted such as electricity, cars, planes, building materials, computers and other appliances etc.  Do you really think that all those things were able to be created in the form that was successful the very first time?   

If you have young children or babies, spend some time watching them.  Look how they try something new over and over even though they may not get the result we adults can get.  What about when they insist that you let them do something even though you want to do it for them to “do it right” or because it will be quicker. Why do you think a three year old can work a new piece of electronic equipment and older adults struggle?  It’s because as we get older we become too concerned about getting it right.  We are scared that we may make a mistake.

What if the word ‘failure’ was replaced with ‘feedback’?

What if you allowed yourself to try something totally new and didn’t work focus on getting it right?  What could you do then?  Or consider this, what if you didn’t get the result you wanted BUT instead you ended up with something much BETTER than you thought you could ever have??

Sometimes the act of making a mistake or having a “failure” can open doors for so many other opportunities and experiences.  The trick is to go through the door and to the other side.

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one”.
Elbert Hubbard

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• Story of a deaf school drop out : Tommy E!& some famed failures (innerdialect.wordpress.com)

positive psychology: how to have a better life and save time

I was listening to something recently on positive psychology.  Apparently it is not a new idea and had been around even in the times of the Greek philosophers.  The person presenting the programme mentionted one of the uses of positive psychology is about using strengths to deal with life instead of trying to boost those qualities of which you have little, and using those lesser qualities to solve things.  E.g., if you have a problem and a friend tells you how they went about dealing with it, it may not work for you and then you could feel worse.  Using strengths is more important than trying to correct deficits. It is a science, not a religion or a philosophy, and has been proven with research and scientific methods. It stops looking at what is wrong with you and starts by looking at what is right with you. 

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”.
Aristotle

Using your strengths can make you feel happier, more engaged with life in general, more productive at work even.

I was in a team once with someone who was almost the exact opposite of me – I am a very big picture person, great at starting things, writing certain types of reports and dealing with certain people.  My colleague loved staying in the background, picking up what others had started, creating systems and doing all the finer details.  There were many tasks we had to do that were similar; we worked brilliantly together because we recognised our individual strengths and worked with those instead of each trying to do every single task equally.  It worked so well that we were able to do the work of three people easily when another member of the team was off work for 3 months.  Using your strengths can be a real timesaver and make life a lot easier!

We all have strengths.  A study was conducted in which it was shown that even the act of identifying strengths had an impact making people happier and temporarily reducing symptoms of depression.  By acting on using just one of those strengths to deal with some problems it increased the person’s feeling of wellbeing and satisfaction and the reduction of symptoms of depression was much longer lasting.

Sometimes we may not recognise our strengths as we are usually conditioned to not talk about what is good about ourselves – I mean how many times have you been given a complimented on one of your qualities, and brushed it aside? Often the focus is on ‘fixing’ weaknesses.

One way to focus on strengths, especially in the workplace, is the two-step acknowledgement.  Now I understand that some people like to use the ‘sandwich’ technique whereby feedback consists of a positive, a negative and then another positive. 

Identifying and acknowledging strengths is a more affirming method when giving people feedback.  Instead of telling someone “You did well on the interstate communication problem and not good on the problem we are still having with the timeframes however, you did well with….etc:, you can say “You did a very good job solving that problem we had with the interstate communication. The way you were able to focus on the finer details until you found the answer and then to explain it so clearly to everyone else was great.  I can see that you will be able to use your attention to detail and your ability to communicate clearly with the problem we are now having with the timeframes.”  In this way the focus is on the person’s strengths and not on the weaknesses: it opens the way to deal with problems more successfully.

Imagine if you only ever received this type of feedback from your boss.  Imagine how you would feel each day going to work knowing that whatever problems arose, you would be more likely to find a solution. Imagine knowing that your efforts were encouraged.  Imagine your productivity and general sense of satisfaction increasing. 

Don’t wait for someone to acknowledge you and your strengths – find them yourself and start using them now.  Copy and paste the following link into your browser and you can take part in a free survey to find your greatest strengths. 

http://www.viacharacter.org/

I did and found that my top five strengths, in order, are:

• Love of learning
• Curiosity and interest in the world
• Capacity to love and be loved
• Gratitude
• Zest, enthusiasm, and energy

Where are you strong in your life and how can you use that to manage your not so strong points to have a greater life?

“Insist on yourself. Never imitate”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com/blog/

How to Create the Ideal Lifestyle

I was doing an exercise the other day which involved creating awareness of ‘opportunity’.  The exercise was to make a list of the key elements necessary for a business opportunity to be worth pursuing.  This is important because when the right opportunity comes along the decision to pursue it can be made quickly, before it disappears.  When I did the exercise I made 2 lists, one for business and another for lifestyle and then merged them.   Any opportunity for my business will have to take into account my ideal lifestyle as well. 

In my coaching practice, when I take my clients through the business goal planning process, I ask them to also write down non-business goals as well.  Now, I am not talking about material things such as buying a new car, having a mortgage paid, designer clothes etc.  I mean personal goals such as learning a language, having time to go dancing, doing regular yoga classes, getting fitter, volunteer work, goals some people never consider when creating a business plan.

It is not often that people plan and make goals for personal satisfaction.  Most planning is for work/career/monetary gain etc with little thought to family, relationships and lifestyle, and doing the things that lead to a deeper sense of life satisfaction.    

Some of my key elements for a great business opportunity are:

• It has to be fun
• Feels right and is based on integrity and respect
• Freedom for me to spend time with my family and friends when I want and to do things I find gratifying
• Time for me to do activities I love related to my health and fitness (I love my sunrise walks and yoga)

“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it”  Charles Buxton

So, how can this be achieved?  A while ago, I read a book called First Things First by Stephen R. Covey et al.  In the book a story was related about an experience someone had in a seminar.  In that seminar the lecturer placed a very large wide mouth jar and several large fist sized rocks on a table.  He asked people to guess how many of the rocks he would be able to put into the jar.  After several guesses were made he placed a number of rocks in the jar until no more could fit in. Then he asked if the jar was full and everybody said yes.  He pulled out a small bucket of gravel from under the table and started to put gravel into the jar, shaking the jar around so the gravel fell into the spaces.  Again he asked if the jar was full and by then people were aware that something was going on so they said “probably not”.   The lecturer reached under the table and this time pulled out a small bucket of sand which he then tipped into the jar, shaking it around so that the sand filled in the spaces between the rocks and the gravel.   By that time the seminar participants knew that when the lecturer asked if the jar was full that the answer was a resounding “NO”.  At which he pulled out a jug of water and managed to carefully pour about a quarter of that water into the jar. 

The point of the demonstration was that if the rocks had not gone in first they would never have been able to get in.  So, I have certain things in my life that are my “rocks” (yes, that is what I call them, which is confusing for people when I say that and I get a few strange looks), some is gravel, some is sand and the rest is water. Often when we plan our days/ weeks/ months etc, we put the gravel and water in first or maybe one or two rocks followed by sand then water.  Now, paying the bills, eating and having a roof over our head is important, but many of us only place  those ”rocks”  in our jars and then start to fill  the remainder with water or sand etc.  Then when we try to put another rock in we have problems and get frustrated and stressed.   Hmmm……. not a recipe for an ideal lifestyle, is it? 

When I look at the key elements of a great opportunity I consider time as well – I make sure that my “rocks” can stay in my “jar” and are not taken out to replaced with sand or water.  

Have a think about what you are allowing to fill your ‘jar’ right now.

P.S - here is  my latest “rock”,  grand-daughter number 4

If you need a bit of help click on this link  http://www.shiftlifestyle.com/ – you will need to give your email address. The 7 steps come to you in weekly videos.

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• Prioritizing self-care: put the big rocks in first (poeticaperture.com)