From Plastic to Prada: what will your superannuation fund support?

We all know what the statistics tell us; that the lifespan for women is greater than that for men, with many of us expected to live into our late 80s and beyond.  I was looking at the death notices in the SMH yesterday and found a lot were for people who were over 80.  This is an age group who, when they were born, did not have a life expectancy much beyond 70 or 75.  So, if that age group is living well into their 80s, what about those of us now in our 40s and 50s?  I think that we can expect to live well into the 90s and beyond.

The majority of women, especially those over 48 and single, will not have enough money when they retire to support themselves comfortably and will have to resort to a government payment.  Currently, the average superannuation payout for women is a third of the payout for men. 

Do you know how much you have in your super account?  I had a look at mine a few months ago and have less than my current gross yearly income.  Hmmmmm…I’m going to have to do something about that. 

So if you are already over 48, where does that leave you?  Are you planning on relying on the age pension as your main source of income?  Did you know that if you were born after January 1957, you cannot access that payment until you are 67?

As it stands now, the payment for a single person on the aged pension is $712 a fortnight with an additional allowance of a pension supplement amount of $60.60 that is “paid as part of certain regular fortnightly income-support payments to help eligible people meet the costs of daily household and living expenses, including phone, internet, utilities and pharmaceutical costs”. This information is from the current Centrelink website dated 04/12/12.

Do you know how Centrelink describes the age pension?

“An income support payment that helps give older people a sufficient standard of living in retirement.”  The bold and italics are my emphasis – “sufficient”?  Are they serious?  Who are they kidding? 

Well, I don’t know about you but that wouldn’t even cover my rent.  The maximum amount of rent assistance for a single person is $121 per fortnight. So if you were eligible for the maximum of everything you could get the sum of $893.60. If you owned your home outright you would still have to maintain your home and pay council rates etc. and you would only get the max. of $772.60.  There is provision to be able to have some income from other sources but the limit before it affects the payment is not much. 

Why are we in this position? The main reason is that for those of us who have children, we spent time out of the paid workforce, then working part-time or casual, and in jobs where the pay was lower than traditional male jobs.  In addition, women are generally the ones who provide unpaid care for older family members who are experiencing ill-health, or age related problems, and may have to take time off work to do that.

So, that brings me to the headline of this blog – I don’t want to be a bag lady and I’d rather have Prada than plastic (bag) -  well…that is a slight exaggeration – my latest purchase is a handmade fabric Fairtrade bag I got at the markets, but you know what I mean :)

My goal is to have the money I need to live the lifestyle I want, and stay away from the age pension.  I want freedom and choices in my life, including where I live, where I holiday, access to health and dental care on my terms without having to submit to the public waiting list etc, etc,.  What about you?   How do you want the rest of your life to be?

P.S – your next move?  Find your super account statements and check how much you have.

Life after 45, or 50, or 60 or….whatever

Welcome back after my holiday from blogging.   During that time I was deciding whether to continue with this blog or create another one to reflect my new focus.  I decided that I will continue being the Queen of Attitude and the content will change over time.  The focus will be more about life after 45 and mainly for women (and some men who will relate to the content), with an attitude of ‘age as potential’, doing what is called a life review and preparing for the next 30 to 50 years.  Well, when you think about it we spend most of our childhood and school years preparing for adulthood but only for employment and relationships; usually involving breeding oops! I mean having children, yet bugger all for what happens when we are in the middle of careers and the kids have left home.  It all gets a bit rushed and busy towards middle age, the relationship with your child/children’s other parent may have ended, maybe you didn’t, or were not able to, have children, your job may not exist anymore or you really can’t stand it, and you are stressed about living out the rest of your life being stuck.  The life you had planned in your teens, 20s and 30s may not have turned out as expected. Or, maybe it did for a while and then it was changed without notice, or not by your choice.    

Click on the Ted Talk and when it has finished, please leave a comment as I am really interested in finding out your thoughts on this. 

How do you feel about that part of your life yet to come?  

What resonated with you? 

How do you see the next 30 to 50 years of your life?

 

Stop worrying

Stop worrying about avoiding those crappy feelings.  We don’t, and can’t, always feel happy, or connected, or enthusiastic, or a ‘positive’ emotion.  How often do you waste energy fighting normal feelings because you think you mustn’t feel that way?  Get over it.  And the best way to do that is to FEEL it.

Sometimes we feel yuk or flat or angry or disenchanted etc and either try to push those feelings aside or try to analyse them. Well, how about just accepting that feeling and see what happens. I don’t mean wallowing in the feeling but recognising it, acknowledging it – yes, that’s how you feel.

You know how when you look at a chair you know that it is a chair, without even thinking about it, you unconsciously label it “chair”, maybe even what type of chair it is, what material it is made from.  Yet, unless it has some special meaning for you, (you are in the market for new chairs, you are studying chairs, or it brings back special memories), you don’t spend hours looking at it and getting all emotional about it; you don’t try and analyse the meaning behind that chair.  You generally just register “chair” in your mind and that is it.

So too it can be with some feelings we have.  I suppose this came up for me recently when I was at work and was feeling very cranky.  It’s not an emotion I get to feel very often – it wasn’t anger or frustration or annoyance – just plain cranky.  I couldn’t put my finger on anything that had happened for me to feel that way.   I wasn’t upset with anyone or anything that had happened.  I didn’t feel like telling anyone off.   Just feeling cranky.

I tried to fight that feeling, telling myself “Don’t feel that way – that’s not a good emotion – don’t give in to it”.  I wanted to analyse where it came from but I was so busy with work I really didn’t have the time.  But it didn’t go away either – it was there all day.

When I got home I thought “Bugger it! Just FEEEEL cranky”.  And I did: I allowed that feeling to come on and as soon as I did it went away.  No fighting it, no analysing – I just let it be and it went.

So, it’s OK to let yourself feel a bit yuk, or fall apart sometimes, for a little while.  You don’t have to pretend to be strong or happy or positive for every minute of every day.  You don’t have to pretend that everything is going well, or is perfect.  You don’t have to care what other people think.  Just BE.  Sometimes trying to avoid certain feelings is not a good idea.

If some ‘negative’ feelings are happening frequently then that is a sign that you have some work to do in a part of your life.  If it goes on too long, if you feel down all the time, or are crying all the time, or angry all the time; then you need to ask for help.    Those frequent feelings are a sign – a bit like a symptom you get when you are physically unwell.  You need to figure out what is happening in your life that you feel that way so often.  However, if it is infrequent, a bit like the occasional headache, then that’s normal.  Don’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either; it’s healthy to experience a range of emotions.

It’s all good and you are fine – a perfectly normal human.   Just let that feeling happen and then when it goes – SMILE – you are experiencing life.

About meditation

Too many people take meditation waaay too seriously. They look for the ‘right’ music, ‘right’ place, ‘right’ clothes, the ‘right’ position. If we place requirements (restrictions) on when and how we will meditate, that contradicts what we are trying to achieve. Actually, even striving to achieve anything in meditation is a contradiction.

I mean, think about it, what is the reason most people start meditating? Usually to reduce stress, to become more mindful in their daily lives, to help be more focussed, be able to cope with life better, find focus and find clarity.

Practicing meditation creates better focus on what is important to you. The stress of daily life that we chose to get caught up with is what decreases our focus, our mindfulness. If we chose to NOT get caught up with other stuff we can have less stress. It is a choice we can make. 

Meditation is about accepting that there is stuff happening around us all the time and not getting caught up in it.  It’s not about blocking life out; it’s about being able to deal with it without getting attached to problems. That is the purpose of meditation, to be able to focus and still be aware, but not distracted by other things that are going on.

Meditation is not about having a particular place. It is nice to have lovely surroundings I agree, but not necessary.   When you are first starting out, it may be helpful to have a special place to sit and for it to be quiet.  Be comfortable too so the experience is enjoyable. 

You can meditate any time of day.   It’s not about certain times of the day or anything to do with the moon (I know, I know. I have included a moon pic below – couldn’t help myself :) )   Meditation can be done almost anywhere especially when one becomes more practicised at it.  It is something that can be done anywhere, anytime for any amount of time – it does not have to be an hour, it can be just a few minutes or even 90 seconds.

Meditation is about acceptance and gentle focus. If your mind wanders, just gently bring it back to the focus on your breath. Don’t give up or berate yourself. Placing requirements on your practice is choosing to get stressed about it, to be caught up with unresourceful thinking, almost sabotaging, staying with certainty. There is not much certainty in meditation.  

Eyes closed or open? I suppose the purpose of eyes being close is to facilitate focusing on the breath and not getting distracted. There are meditations that can be done with the eyes open and the purpose of that is to have peripheral vision but still able to focus.  Having your eyes closed is probably better though. 

Each time you begin a session, start as a novice, like this is your first time. Get rid of any expectations about what the session will be like. Sometimes you’ll find it hard to maintain focus, to stop the ‘monkey mind’ chatter, other times it will be easier. Welcome the distractions as a way of strengthening the focus muscle.   Meditating without distractions is not what it is all about.

To make meditation/mindfulness a regular part of daily life, set up triggers for yourself as a reminder to do a few breaths, focus on your breath, take about 4 or 5 and then go back to what you were doing.  Maybe it can be just as you are about to make a phone call, just before you start the car, or when you are waiting for the kettle to boil, the lift to arrive.  Think of triggers that are useful for you.  Take unexpected opportunities when they present themselves. The other morning I was getting dressed for work and the sun had just come up. It was giving off a beautiful golden orange colour so I stood in the open doorway with my eyes closed and just took a few slow focused breaths – a sort of mini meditation – and then finished getting ready.

The attitude of Olympians: how to have your own Olympian success

Just I case you missed it :) , the Olympics started the other day in London.   For all the participants, the Games are the result of years of hard work and commitment. 

Many people think that motivation is paramount, that it is what gets them there.  I’m sure you are aware of the term “motivational speakers” and how thousands of people attend events by these speakers, or buy books and other products to change their lives.  They get all pumped up, really MOTIVATED, yeah, they’re going to make big changes – wow!!!  But………………. once the initial glow wears off, nothing much changes. 

The difference is COMMITTMENT.  It is more important than motivation.  Motivation is great to get you, well, motivated;  it’s an encouragement, a vehicle of sorts, a bit surfacey.   It’s like a car.  It doesn’t matter what type of car you drive, be it a tiny little compact hatch or a Ferrari, because if it runs out of fuel you won’t be going anywhere.   Commitment is what keeps you going, it’s the fuel, the fire. 

Now I often use the analogy of Olympians with my clients when I explain the difference between commitment and motivation. 

Olympians don’t always feel motivated to train hour after hour, day after day.   Think about swimmers in particular.  They often start training in the early hours of the morning when most people are still in bed.  In the winter months especially, when it’s minus something degrees outside, they don’t feel very motivated every single morning to get up and go to the swimming centre.  The thing that really gets them there is commitment.  No matter how much they just want to stay in bed, nice and warm, the commitment they have to achieving their goal is what gets them up and to the pool to start training.  It doesn’t matter if your motivation wavers, it is your commitment that makes the difference to your success.  So many people give up when the motivation starts to drop off and don’t realise that they can re-create that feeling by staying committed.  Put it this way, if your car ran out of petrol would you leave it and never return?

I’d love for you to have a little think about where in your life you need to put in some fuel instead of worrying about what type of car you are going to drive.  How you can get more fuel and keep driving?   Simple, easy and it will make all the difference.

 

Do you know how to be happy? Take a few risks

Do you know what the secret to happiness is?  The number one thing that separates people who realise their dreams and those that don’t is taking a risk.  Being brave, audacious, feisty, bold, daring, courageous, gutsy, spirited, adventurous, and exploratory even; there are many words to describe taking a risk. 

There are a number of reasons people fall back on to NOT take a risk and lead their ideal life, to be happier.  Here are just a few:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Fear of rejection
  • The need for certainty
  • The need of approval from others
  • Absence of desire to change
  • Lack of confidence

Best tip – TAKE ACTION, and then:

  • Allow for mistakes – you will make lots along the way, and probably need to.
  • Look at risk as an opportunity to learn.
  • Be prepared to ask for help
  • Do some planning (not too much otherwise you won’t start)
  • Take baby steps
  • Reward your successes, of which taking the baby steps is included.
  • Evaluate and adjust along the way

I read something the other day which goes something like this.  Go out on a limb – the view is much better from there and you are more likely to find some fruit.  Hmmm…sounds pretty good to me :)

“The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible”.  Arthur C. Clarke

Along the way, don’t be afraid to stop and take a different path if it is not working for you.  When I finished my life coach training, I really didn’t have any idea of what was available in the business of coaching and personal development.  I had a vision which was based on very limited information.  I wasn’t aware of the possibilities.  Once I started exploring those possibilities, I stopped 1:1 coaching to focus on creating my life and business the way I want it.  I knew nothing about marketing, social media (hey, I just started using FB recently and on a BIG learning curve), had no networks with similar business models to connect with.   Even when I started this blog, I really didn’t know what I was doing but I did it anyway.

Now, I’m investing money (yes, maxing out the credit card) and time to learn, to connect, to experiment so I can create a life that will be built on my values.   Yes, I am making mistakes – but who cares.  Yes, I will get knock backs and rejected –that’s just part of life. Yes, there will be people who will criticise me and what I do and how I do it – oh well, that’s more of a reflection of their lack of confidence in themselves and a lack of imagination.   Who cares if some people think you are crazy?  Whose life is it anyway?

Think not of the risk of taking risk, think instead of the risks of NOT taking that risk.

And, if people think you are crazy?  At least life will be more interesting.  So, what crazy ideas do you have for creating happiness in your life?  I’d love to hear them.

What to do when life gives you lemons – suck it up

I am sure you have heard the saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. 

How do you go about it then?  Firstly, you know that there is such a thing as lemonade.  Then you need to know what else you need besides the lemons – sugar being the obvious one (or a sweetener of some sort).   Of course, then you need to get the sugar/sweetening agent.   So far, so good.  But, what happens if you can’t get any sugar?  What if you can only have salt?  Oh well, preserved lemons then.  Or maybe there are other things you’ve got that you can add to the lemons (Ive included links at the end of this post to give you some ideas).

What I am trying to point out is that there is more than one solution to your life problems and it may be that you can deal with it with what you already have.   If you are not sure what to do and need help, ask someone, google it, get professional help.  There are heaps of options.   Some people only focus on the lemons in their lives and forget that they have sugar, salt, other fruit, etc.   Maybe your neighbours want lemons and you can barter with them. 

There are people who built their lives around their ‘lemons’.   There are people who use their ‘lemon’ experience to make something better.  Some people write books about the lemons in their lives, make careers out of it even.  Some people use their lemons to become inspirational. Check out the link below and when you have read it, have another think about how sweet your life is right now.

   http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/301049/20120219/inspiration-man-without-limbs-orator-author-nick.htm

I’d love to hear your (happy) thoughts on this one :)

How to be happy: 3 things to STOP doing.

Most people just want to be happy – pure and simple really, isn’t it?

Well, it could be but we humans seem to make life more complicated that it is. 

A while back I wrote about 4 questions to help you find the meaning of your life as well as a couple of easy questions to ask yourself about who you really are.  Being happy is a state of mind and those questions are a quick and instinctive quide to finding your true path to being happy.

This week I am giving you 3 totally unresourceful things to stop doing to yourself.  These habits don’t serve, support, nurture or challenge you in leading a more resourceful and happier life.  As stated by Bob Newhart in a previous post  – STOP IT!!

  1. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
  2. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
  3. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come or is happening now. If you spend all your time looking back you won’t be able to recognise the opportunities that can make your life happier.  It’s a bit like trying to drive a car looking through the rear view mirror all the time and never looking ahead to where you want to go. 

 

Limiting beliefs, defeating self talk and fear

OK, so now you’ve had a couple of weeks to practice on 3 limiting beliefs.  How did you go?

I’ve already shared with you the other day about Delice Kennedy (INSERT LINK)  http://theattitudequeen.wordpress.com/2012/06/26/718/ and how not having limits can create success.

So, now I’d like to share with you what else I noticed while I was on the Gold Coast last weekend. 

The vibe at the seminar was about success and being positive, expanding the comfort zone.  A LOT of people there were out of their comfort zone – more that I would have imagined so I felt better than I had been feeling before I went.   I heard a lot of limiting beliefs and self defeating talk from many people. Also, we all had to face our fears of standing on stage in front of about 150 people.

Several times each day I had my own thoughts and beliefs come up which I had to get rid of and replace with more belief in myself.  What I noticed is that other people will have more faith and belief in what you can do than you do yourself.

Here are some defeating self-talk and limiting beliefs I lifted from Seth Godin’s blog

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/06/whats-on-your-list.html

“I have kids at home, I don’t have a manager, I need to pay off student debt, my boss never lets me, I’m really busy because of soccer season, my knee is acting up, there’s already five galas coming up, my RSI hurts when I type, I don’t have a degree, I have a degree and can’t waste it, I’m not good at that, I tried it before but it didn’t work, I’ve never tried it before, the weather is crazy, isn’t it, the election is right around the corner, it’s been too long at this job they won’t listen to me, I’m going to retire soon, I’m too young, I’ll never learn, it’s too risky…”

So I had an idea that would have been interesting to carry out at the seminar. The main purpose of the weekend was to develop a presentation for your own business, after clarifying the niche, but what I noticed was that some of us were more capable of coming up with ideas for someone else’s business.  The thing is that other people don’t see inside of our heads and what we are thinking.  My idea was that we could be placed into groups to develop a plan for another group member’s business. 

I wonder what would happen if we extended this to our personal lives; if we pretended that we were someone else looking at us.   What could we achieve? 

The only thing stoping you is not allowing yourself to indulge your imagination. 

http://theattitudequeen.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/want-to-have-a-wonderful-life-trust-your-imagination/

The power of ideas and taking action

I attended a seminar on the weekend and there was an inspiring young woman there by the name of Delice Kennedy and I’d love to share with you what she has managed to acheive in such a short space of time.  The following is an article from the website:

www.adelaidenow.com.au

Charity that is good for the sole

 
Dalice Kennedy from Soles4Shoes

A trip to Kenya has motivated Dalice Kennedy from Soles4Shoes to collect 10,000 pairs of shoes to protect the feet of the less fortunate. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe Source: The Advertiser

WOMEN can never have enough shoes but Dalice Kennedy wants 10,000.

The St Marys woman, 29, has seen first-hand what happens to the health of people who do not have the basic luxury of shoes.

With more than 300 million people globally without shoes, she is urging us all to donate shoes to those who have none. She has just returned from a three-month stint helping to build houses in the west of Kenya with the volunteer group World Youth International.

“I had the best time of my life in Kenya, but also the saddest seeing children with no shoes that have worms burrow into their feet, it poses a major health risk if their feet get cut and infected,” she said.

“We are collecting gently worn (secondhand) and new shoes and are hoping to get 10,000 pairs to fill a shipping container by Christmas. Schools or workplaces can do collections or if wholesalers that have excess stock could donate them as well.”

P.S – Over 50, 00 pairs of shoes were collected, surpassing all expectations. It goes to show how an idea can grow with an action.   For more information please click on this link :  http://donateshoes.wordpress.com/