About meditation

Too many people take meditation waaay too seriously. They look for the ‘right’ music, ‘right’ place, ‘right’ clothes, the ‘right’ position. If we place requirements (restrictions) on when and how we will meditate, that contradicts what we are trying to achieve. Actually, even striving to achieve anything in meditation is a contradiction.

I mean, think about it, what is the reason most people start meditating? Usually to reduce stress, to become more mindful in their daily lives, to help be more focussed, be able to cope with life better, find focus and find clarity.

Practicing meditation creates better focus on what is important to you. The stress of daily life that we chose to get caught up with is what decreases our focus, our mindfulness. If we chose to NOT get caught up with other stuff we can have less stress. It is a choice we can make. 

Meditation is about accepting that there is stuff happening around us all the time and not getting caught up in it.  It’s not about blocking life out; it’s about being able to deal with it without getting attached to problems. That is the purpose of meditation, to be able to focus and still be aware, but not distracted by other things that are going on.

Meditation is not about having a particular place. It is nice to have lovely surroundings I agree, but not necessary.   When you are first starting out, it may be helpful to have a special place to sit and for it to be quiet.  Be comfortable too so the experience is enjoyable. 

You can meditate any time of day.   It’s not about certain times of the day or anything to do with the moon (I know, I know. I have included a moon pic below – couldn’t help myself :) )   Meditation can be done almost anywhere especially when one becomes more practicised at it.  It is something that can be done anywhere, anytime for any amount of time – it does not have to be an hour, it can be just a few minutes or even 90 seconds.

Meditation is about acceptance and gentle focus. If your mind wanders, just gently bring it back to the focus on your breath. Don’t give up or berate yourself. Placing requirements on your practice is choosing to get stressed about it, to be caught up with unresourceful thinking, almost sabotaging, staying with certainty. There is not much certainty in meditation.  

Eyes closed or open? I suppose the purpose of eyes being close is to facilitate focusing on the breath and not getting distracted. There are meditations that can be done with the eyes open and the purpose of that is to have peripheral vision but still able to focus.  Having your eyes closed is probably better though. 

Each time you begin a session, start as a novice, like this is your first time. Get rid of any expectations about what the session will be like. Sometimes you’ll find it hard to maintain focus, to stop the ‘monkey mind’ chatter, other times it will be easier. Welcome the distractions as a way of strengthening the focus muscle.   Meditating without distractions is not what it is all about.

To make meditation/mindfulness a regular part of daily life, set up triggers for yourself as a reminder to do a few breaths, focus on your breath, take about 4 or 5 and then go back to what you were doing.  Maybe it can be just as you are about to make a phone call, just before you start the car, or when you are waiting for the kettle to boil, the lift to arrive.  Think of triggers that are useful for you.  Take unexpected opportunities when they present themselves. The other morning I was getting dressed for work and the sun had just come up. It was giving off a beautiful golden orange colour so I stood in the open doorway with my eyes closed and just took a few slow focused breaths – a sort of mini meditation – and then finished getting ready.

Happy Mother’s Day and lifestyle design

I have been very quiet of late in regards to writing.  The reason is that I am in the process of changing from a business offering just straight life coaching to something else.  I have done a lot of thinking about what I want and how I want it all to work and so have been working my way through some home study business programmes.  Anyway, I have tried to do it all myself and realised that I need to be with people who understand what I am doing and can support me and I can also support them so I even signed up to attend a 3 day seminar in June in an effort to really fine tune my niche and network my butt off – well…………it’s on the Gold Coast and I have rewarded myself by booking the final night at the Sea Temple !!!  

In the mean time, the past few weeks I have been able to spend time with the grandchildren:

It’s tiring being a cute baby

A teen who thinks knickers can be a substitute for a beanie

A child who also doesn’t know which part of her body corresponds to which item of clothing

Yes, apples grow on trees – they don’t already come in buckets at the farmers’ markets…….. carrying a handbag, false nails and wearing bangles can make picking a bit tricky too.

I have also watched amazing sunrises

watched a bit of surfing,

other people torturing themselves crawling in the sand

did some yoga and just chilled out in the mornings…..and no, I’m not going to post a pic of my in downward dog position :)

My purpose for creating a lifestyle working from home or wherever I wish?  More of all of the above …………oh yeah – something else……………travel, learning languages and having lots of different experiences  :)  ………although I can do without being held up at a traffic accident in the rain in the mountains while I am busting to go to the loo

What’s your ideal lifestyle design?  I’d love to hear about it.

 

 

 

Don’t die wondering

I was having a conversation the other day with a few people about life in general and the topic come up about how many people don’t follow up with ideas, desires, their passions etc. One of the group said “Don’t die wondering”. I really like that term and makes more sense to me than having a bucket list.  I have only come cross that term, bucket list,  recently and to tell the truth I don’t like it.  I mean, think about it – “bucket”.  What do you think of when you hear that word? To me it conjures up images of housework, vomit (sick bucket), dirty water, chook food, etc – hmmmmmm………….not very inspiring. 

I thought about don’t die wondering and it excited me more than having a list (bucket or no bucket).  Having a list may suit some people but to me it makes it too much like a “should”, too restrictive.  There are plenty of experiences out there that I don’t even know exist yet.  My desires change over time and the things I liked and wanted to do many years ago have changed; they are no longer important to me.  Having a list and abiding by it may mean losing opportunities to do other things that can be more exciting or memorable.

The beauty of the Don’t Die Wondering philosophy is that when an opportunity arises, maybe something you had never thought of, you can decide if that is something you’d like to experience.  Is it something that if you don’t do, you’d die wondering “what would it have been like?”

The other benefit is that there is no expectation – that it does not have to be a success so to speak.  If it doesn’t turn out the way you thought, it doesn’t matter – you did it anyway, just for the sheer experience. I came across a blog recently where the writer talked about having a bucket list of things they NEVER want to try. She got that idea from another blogger.

That method can work well too, it means that if an opportunity comes up and it is NOT on that list, give it a go anyway.

So, pick which philosophy fits you and see what can happen.  Whichever one you chose, have fun with it :)

 

Want to have a “wonder”ful life? Trust your imagination

I came across this “wonder”ful talk by Janet Echelman on TED and would like to share it with you

Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein

Life: What’s stopping you?

Often the only thing or person stoppping us from getting anyway in life is ourselves.  We can decide to be full of self doubt or we can go ahead and live the life we want.  One way to deal with doubt is to reframe it as an UNAUTHORISED PERSON

A little while ago I asked the following question to several people.  See if you can pick who had kept the unauthorised person OUT.

What do dream about changing in your life, and what is stopping you?

  • I dream about robust physical health, becoming a fitness model, improving my financial situation, going back to school, investing in a long term relationship, a little bit of travel and visiting my grandmother every day.
    What is holding me back or stopping me?
    Doubt and bad thinking. It is also a bit of feeling that I do not deserve the good in life. I am relegated to where I am right now without there ever being any movement.
  • I dream of having a job right now. The economy at large is a factor in the process.
  •  Actually, when imagination improves my life, the dream stops it.
  •  I have already started to change my life by setting large goals with mini-goals along the way. My goals are to improve my financial situation, achieve a work/life balance that allows me to enjoy my family, live a healthy lifestyle and be successful. At the beginning of the year, I took a lot of time to work out how I would achieve these and what my mini-goals are for each. As the year progresses, I find that I have checked off more than I would have if I’d “winged” it and that I have achieved plenty more that isn’t on the list. At the end of the year, I’m happy to say, I’ll be well on my way to reaching my goals. Many of my goals are mid- to long-term and I feel that I will be able to surpass them (and will have to stretch them a bit further as I get closer). “Aim for the moon and you will at least land among the stars.” (Don’t know who said it, but I believe it.)
  • I dream about becoming a world-renowned speaker and thought leader in the area of Innovation and Social Psychology. And, there is NOTHING stopping me — I’m on my way :)
  • Very timely question. I dream about changing my circumstances – being able to live comfortably and closer to my family. Being able to travel when I want to without having to worry about the finances required to do so.  What’s stopping me is the courage to just take that leap out of the plane and trust that the parachute will open
  •  My dream is work in multinational company with good salary and find Suitable girl , I think serious concern of failure makes me lose my focus: that can stop me but in general I don’t give up easily .
  • To improve my skill into the bestest that I can. Well, imagination can help to change our dreams into success but without any action nor hard work it won’t come into effect.   What is stopping me? Nothing, No one and nobody can stop me to reach my goal, only GOD’s will can help me throughout to my success.
  •  Playing it all out and become unstoppable in what I want to be!
    and, what stops me is my identity  -the belief that I am what I was, not what I am possible
  •  I always have a concern that dreaming on its own achieves nothing.  I think the key is to design what your ideal life looks like then get stuck in to looking for ways to turn that into reality.   I started designing my ideal life 10 years ago when I escaped the corporate rat race. It has returned much better results than the years I just spent dreaming about how I would like things to be.   I would encourage anyone who wants something to be different in their life to get really clear on what ideal looks like then start taking steps to make that happen. The rewards are high

So, I’m a bit curious - how are you stopping your-self and what are you going to do about it?

Steve Jobs: Live the life you really want

A very simple message.  Just click on the link.

http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

So, how do you want your life to be?

 

What nobody told you about breaking bad habits.

There is so much written about changing old habits and creating new ones.  There is also a lot of advice about how to do it and how much time it will take.  I remember reading something once where is was said that it only takes 21 days to make a new habit – really?? are you sure??? 21 days!!!. 

How many times have you started doing something, a new habit or doing something differently and even after a month, two months or even four months, you lapsed back into your old ways.  It doesn’t take much, does it?    And we all do it.  Then it is so easy to give up and not try again. 

It seems that nowadays there is so much emphasis on quick change.  And occasionally it does happen if you have a massive mind shift.   It depends on how much you want it and how much embedded it is in your unconscious mind.  Mostly, it takes time. The other day I was reading a book** I have had for a long time on yoga.  Now I am a bit of a long term on & off yoga person – I started it when I was about 12 and if you really want to know the truth, I’m more off than on – yes, I haven’t made it a habit yet.  Anyway, in the book I came across an explanation of the yogic cycles of time and the specific cycles of time it takes to change old habits and create new ones.  So here it is:

To change an old habit into a new positive one – 40 days

To confirm the new habit in you – 90 days

To allow the habit to become who you are – 120 days

To ensure that you have mastered the habit – 1,000 days

Well, I don’t know about you but I felt much better when I read that.  I realise now that it is fine to feel like wanting to relapse after a month or two or even three – it is actually normal.

A lot of people put themselves down when they resume an old habit after a few months but looking at the yogic cycles, it will take about 6 months to entrench the new habit into you AND approximately 2 years and 9 months years to master that new habit.  21 days does NOT a habit make.

It’s OK to experience feelings of wanting to give up, it is normal to feel like that. The trouble is that so many of us do just that – we give up, and too early according to the yogic cycles.  The easy way is to accept that you feel like giving up, but don’t buy into that feeling; think of it as hmm…. just like that chair over there, an object that you can observe without feeling like you have to go and attach yourself to it.  I mean, come on, how stupid would you look going everywhere with a chair stuck to you.  Accept that it will take time to become the change, and to be that change, unconsciously and easily.  In other words, PUT THAT CHAIR DOWN!!

It takes more than a few grains of sand to make a beach

 

It takes more than a few floors to make a high rise

It takes more than a few drops of salt water to make an ocean

It takes more than a couple of mountains to make a mountain range

It takes more than a few dozen panels to make the Guggenheim

So too it will take more than a few weeks to create your new life. 

I’d really like to hear what you think and what your habit changing journey is like :)

**Yoga for Women, by Shakta Kuar Khalsa . Published in 2002 by Dorling Kindersley Limited, London

Happiness: what is it really and where do you find it?

What is happiness?  I read a question today that asked “What makes you happy?”.  I thought that the question would be better worded as “How do you choose to be happy?” or even “When do you choose to feel happiness?” Things, or other people, cannot make us happy.   It is something that we choose to feel.   We are responsible for our feelings, our emotions.  Out of the 50 plus responses, only one person stated that happiness is a choice.  When I read the other answers, all of the external factors the respondents stated made them happy were a choice anyway.   The things they mentioned may not ‘make’ someone else happy.

Have a look at the following TED talk by Matthieu Ricard on the habits of happiness and let me know what you think. It goes for about 20 minutes and he has a lovely french accent.

If this has made you think a bit more about happiness, there is also a great book you may like to read, The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris.

Here is something that I choose to feel happy about – colourful veggies

Yes, I know, a bit daggy but I love ‘em.  The purple ones are carrots too. 

I’ll also throw in one of my hundreds of sunrise pics with some of the many canoeists in my area doing their early morning paddle yesterday – it’s what they choose to do to feel happy.  And, it is a choice as yesterday was pretty cold (8 C) and dark when they first went out on the water (the canoeists are the ones that look like ants on the water – I have a basic camera with limited zoom).

 

 

Bali, sunrises and blogs

Back from Bali and catching up on my emails and the blogs I subscribe to.  Most of them are are very different to mine and often include lots of pics.  Here are the links.  Have a look and let me know what you think:

http://inspiredbeeing.com

http://portraitsofwildflowers.wordpress.com

http://wakeuptiger.blogspot.com

After my few days in Bali, I was feeling a bit chilled so decided to post pics of the month of August starting at the end of the month

The view from the door of my room @ Vision Villas

The rice paddy next door

I think this is in Denpasar – it’s opposite an ATM

The sun setting @ Ulawatu

Part of the dance performed @ sunset.  I can’t remember what it is called.  Maybe you know.

I met some lovely people at the Wealth Dynamics Academy and one lady in particular who was inspiring.  She is an older woman who lives by adage that it is never too late to do anything you want in life.  When I got back home I found the following in an email from a friend who is also living her life as if it is never too late.  If you are in Adelaide, go along for a great evening – it’s FREE:

INVITATION

You are invited to attend a free information evening on “It’s Never Too Late To Make A Change”. Topics covered will be

  • Is there are “right” age to make a lifestyle change?
  • What is my Passion? My Purpose”
  • Living a Life of Meaning
  • Impact on Relationships
  • Ego and Enjoyment
  • Slowing Down or Catching up?

Details: Tuesday September 6th, 6 – 8.00 pm at The Box Factory – Regent Street South (off Halifax Street), Adelaide.

Click here for more information and to register: 

http://us1.campaign-archive2.com/u=e75342f48cabcb1fc8c860240&id=9595be7345&e=de36b9e732
or email gina@adelaidewellbeing.com.au
Ok – now here are some pics of my August 2011 – it wasn’t a very bright month in the early morning as you will see:

 

Being Happy

Today I have decided to give this space over to Di Sutton and her July newsletter (with her permission)

 
Di is a coach who specialises in Matrix Therapy, particularly with women over 35 who are ready to make amazing breakthroughs in their lives and become free from negative influences and emotions.  Her qualifications include:
  • Master Practitioner in Matrix Therapies
  • Practitioner in Neuro-Linguistic Programming
  • Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming
  • Practitioner in Time Line Repatterning
  • Certificate IV in Life Coaching
  • Practitioner in Coach Mastery
  • Your Quest (discovering purpose and passion)
  • Matrix Therapies Advanced Training
  • Matrix Constellations and Archetypes
  • Co-creating the Matrix (Spiritual Program)   

Quote of the month:

It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.

Dale Carnegie

BEING HAPPY

Many people think the ultimate in life is being happy. While it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time, there are some strategies we can use to increase the amount of time we feel happy in life. No one gets it right 100% of the time, we do the best we can.

Recently I attended a seminar conducted by Professor Timothy Sharpe from The Happiness Institute in Sydney and would like to share some of the ideas from that which I found helpful.

Positive psychology is the scientifc study of optimal human functioning. It is about people thriving and flourishing. It is more than seeking pleasure, it is about engaging in life. We can learn to be happy. Positive emotions are helpful and if we have them we are likely to build our lives and open and broaden our mind.

How can we be happy? One of the strategies is to be present. To live in the present moment. People who live in the present moment have

  • health and wellbeing
  • concentration
  • productivity and efficiency
  • happiness and positive emotions
  • good relationships and communication

There is very little difference in people, and the difference that makes the difference is attitude – whether it is positive or negative. There are optimists and pessimists. Optimistic people have a hopefulness and confidence about the future and a successful outcome of something.

Check out The Happiness Institute website for more information: www.thehappinessinstitute.com

Tips for dealing with our ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)

Are you aware of your ANTs? (automatic negative thoughts). We all have them at times. They include:

  • · Catastrophising
  • · Being black and white
  • · Personalising
  • · Mind reading
  • · Over-generalising
  • · Filtering

If you cannot think of examples when you have these, I’m sure you know people who do. Such as the person who is always having dramas in their life. Nothing is simple and calm – all events are full of drama. A way to deal with our ANTs is to be flexible in our thinking and modify our thinking style to suit the context.

We can move between different thinking styles – nothing is right or wrong

4 steps to help deal with our ANTs:

  • · Identify thoughts
  • · Label the ANTs
  • · Question/challenge unhelpful cognitions
  • · Replace with more helpful, realistic ones

Ask, are my thoughts

  • · Realistic
  • · Take into account all the facts
  • · Helpful

Can I look at things

  • From a different angle
  • In another way
  • Is it really that bad
  • Get Temporal perspective (how important will this be in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks’ time?)
  •  Alternate perspectives
  • Problem solving
  • Acceptance

Discovering our top character strengths

Getting to know ourselves is crucial to living an aware life, and discovering our strengths and talents is a sure way to increase our sense of happiness.

If you would like to discover your top 24 character strengths, click on www.viasurvey.org This survey is free and once you have found your strengths, if you would like to know more about making the most of them, email me on di@connexioncoaching.com.au and I will send you additional information.

Please answer me by Noemi Lee
Why do you say

you “hate” happy people?

Does that mean

you hate happiness?

Why is it that

happiness is considered

to be a four letter word?

Must you always

wear a scowl

on your face?

Can’t it take

a bathroom break?

How can you expect

to find happiness

when you continue

to push it

father and farther away?

Why do you hold

such disdain for

happiness?

What wrong has

happiness

done to you?

So, you mean

you’ve never had

happiness?

Then, how can you

hate something

you’ve never known?

Would you like to experience more happiness in your life?
Do you behave in ways that cause unhappiness at times and don’t know where the behaviour comes from?
Are you at a stage in your life where you want change, but are not sure which direction to take?

If you would like to explore this, take advantage of a complimentary 1.5 hour coaching session with Di Sutton, Master Practitioner in Matrix Therapies and Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming
Phone 0401 266 316

di@connexioncoaching.com.au  www.connexioncoaching.com.au

Connexion Coaching