The rules of life: make them up

I read something today where the writer stated “All I need are the right rules and victory would be mine.”

That got me wondering about how that related to life in general.  How often do we live our lives by other people’s rules and as a consequence are unhappy, feeling like we have lost out?    This tied in with something else I had previously read by an economist about “herd economics” and how there is a tendency to position ourselves relative to the rest of the group (society) i.e., keeping up with the Joneses (KUWJ).  Basically he proposed that we are all happy enough individually but when we compare our “position in the herd” we can become dis-satisfied and start wanting more.  The economist provided an example of people paying exorbitant prices for houses (KUWJ).  I’d include people who live in certain suburbs for the prestige/ so they can send their children to the “right” schools; designer clothes; brand cars (e.g., BMW, Mercs, etc.) and etc…………..  I’m sure you get the idea.

So, that was how I got to thinking about how we can be happier by making our own rules for our lives – a sort of designer life – one that is tailor made just for you.  Now, how exclusive would that be?

“Our minds are as different as our faces: we are all travelling to one destination; –happiness; but few are going by the same road.”
Charles Caleb Colton

Just imagine what it would be like to live a life made especially for YOU – it would be unique, your very own life that no-one else has, made to your own specifications. You decide what you want.  If you are in a relationship and/or have a family, it will be designed for the relationship/family, where you all get together and make up the rules (yes, include the children – it’s amazing what they come up with)

There is so much in this world to experience and so many of us that there is really no right or wrong way for YOUR designer life. 

What do you want your life to look like?

Where will you be living?

How often do you want to travel?

Where in the world do you want to experience?

Who do you want to experience it with?

What books do you want to read?

What else do you want to see, hear and feel?

How much more time do you want with your family/friends/loved ones?

What would you like to do more of with them?

If you had a bank that credited your account each morning with $86,400 – with no balance carried from day to day – what would you do?   Well, you do have such a bank and it’s called……time.

Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds.  Every night it rules off as “lost” whatever you have failed to use.  It carries over no balances and allows no overdrafts.   You can’t hoard it, save it, store it, loan it or invest it. You can only use it – time.   

So, I am interested to know – how will you design your life to make the best use of that 86,400 seconds to live your life as you want?

RelAted articles

• Sara Weinstock: The Time of Your Life (stylelist.com)

Finding time to meditate

Last weekend I went to my first ever meditation retreat in the mountains with Paul Wilson and some of his friends and felllow meditators.

The surroundings were just right.  The air smelt wonderful, at night and early morning it was various types of eucalypt, the sounds of the birds, the frogs at night,  the running water in the creek, the night sky full of stars…………………

On Saturday I sat on the bank of a creek, opposite a small waterfull.   It was so meditative that I later I tried to record it to post on here so you could all experience it.   My camera is very basic and the sound turned out to be very unwaterfull-like………………….  I’ll just post a pic and you can imagine what it sounds like

During the weekend one of the things we discussed was finding time and a place to meditate.  Paul suggested that we don’t get too precious about it and take advantage of small periods of time, even just a few minutes, sometimes is the most unlikely place [- I did suggest the toilet cubicle at work . 

Since last weekend I have found myself noticing opportunities for small periods of meditation. This morning was a good example.  I went for my usual walk and was going to go to the supermarket on the way home.  The trouble is that the only supermarket here doesn’t open until 8am and I was not far from there when I noticed that I had another 15 minutes to go.  I was walking through a park so, instead of doing what I would normally do and keep walking, I sat on a bench, closed my eyes and did a  small meditation. 

I wonder, what opportunities can you find to practice meditation or even just mindfullness?  Maybe start with something simple like waiting for the kettle to boil….

I’d love to hear how you go with this one

Related articles

• Meditation Is….. (medititilation.wordpress.com)
• Peaceful moments (aboundingwellness.wordpress.com)

How to listen better

…………………………………………………….Listen…………………………………………………

One of the key things about being able to communicate is listening, something many of us forget.

I came across this talk the other day and I would like to share it with you. 

I would be very interested in any comments you may have after watching this

 

positive psychology: how to have a better life and save time

I was listening to something recently on positive psychology.  Apparently it is not a new idea and had been around even in the times of the Greek philosophers.  The person presenting the programme mentionted one of the uses of positive psychology is about using strengths to deal with life instead of trying to boost those qualities of which you have little, and using those lesser qualities to solve things.  E.g., if you have a problem and a friend tells you how they went about dealing with it, it may not work for you and then you could feel worse.  Using strengths is more important than trying to correct deficits. It is a science, not a religion or a philosophy, and has been proven with research and scientific methods. It stops looking at what is wrong with you and starts by looking at what is right with you. 

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”.
Aristotle

Using your strengths can make you feel happier, more engaged with life in general, more productive at work even.

I was in a team once with someone who was almost the exact opposite of me – I am a very big picture person, great at starting things, writing certain types of reports and dealing with certain people.  My colleague loved staying in the background, picking up what others had started, creating systems and doing all the finer details.  There were many tasks we had to do that were similar; we worked brilliantly together because we recognised our individual strengths and worked with those instead of each trying to do every single task equally.  It worked so well that we were able to do the work of three people easily when another member of the team was off work for 3 months.  Using your strengths can be a real timesaver and make life a lot easier!

We all have strengths.  A study was conducted in which it was shown that even the act of identifying strengths had an impact making people happier and temporarily reducing symptoms of depression.  By acting on using just one of those strengths to deal with some problems it increased the person’s feeling of wellbeing and satisfaction and the reduction of symptoms of depression was much longer lasting.

Sometimes we may not recognise our strengths as we are usually conditioned to not talk about what is good about ourselves – I mean how many times have you been given a complimented on one of your qualities, and brushed it aside? Often the focus is on ‘fixing’ weaknesses.

One way to focus on strengths, especially in the workplace, is the two-step acknowledgement.  Now I understand that some people like to use the ‘sandwich’ technique whereby feedback consists of a positive, a negative and then another positive. 

Identifying and acknowledging strengths is a more affirming method when giving people feedback.  Instead of telling someone “You did well on the interstate communication problem and not good on the problem we are still having with the timeframes however, you did well with….etc:, you can say “You did a very good job solving that problem we had with the interstate communication. The way you were able to focus on the finer details until you found the answer and then to explain it so clearly to everyone else was great.  I can see that you will be able to use your attention to detail and your ability to communicate clearly with the problem we are now having with the timeframes.”  In this way the focus is on the person’s strengths and not on the weaknesses: it opens the way to deal with problems more successfully.

Imagine if you only ever received this type of feedback from your boss.  Imagine how you would feel each day going to work knowing that whatever problems arose, you would be more likely to find a solution. Imagine knowing that your efforts were encouraged.  Imagine your productivity and general sense of satisfaction increasing. 

Don’t wait for someone to acknowledge you and your strengths – find them yourself and start using them now.  Copy and paste the following link into your browser and you can take part in a free survey to find your greatest strengths. 

http://www.viacharacter.org/

I did and found that my top five strengths, in order, are:

• Love of learning
• Curiosity and interest in the world
• Capacity to love and be loved
• Gratitude
• Zest, enthusiasm, and energy

Where are you strong in your life and how can you use that to manage your not so strong points to have a greater life?

“Insist on yourself. Never imitate”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com/blog/

How to Create the Ideal Lifestyle

I was doing an exercise the other day which involved creating awareness of ‘opportunity’.  The exercise was to make a list of the key elements necessary for a business opportunity to be worth pursuing.  This is important because when the right opportunity comes along the decision to pursue it can be made quickly, before it disappears.  When I did the exercise I made 2 lists, one for business and another for lifestyle and then merged them.   Any opportunity for my business will have to take into account my ideal lifestyle as well. 

In my coaching practice, when I take my clients through the business goal planning process, I ask them to also write down non-business goals as well.  Now, I am not talking about material things such as buying a new car, having a mortgage paid, designer clothes etc.  I mean personal goals such as learning a language, having time to go dancing, doing regular yoga classes, getting fitter, volunteer work, goals some people never consider when creating a business plan.

It is not often that people plan and make goals for personal satisfaction.  Most planning is for work/career/monetary gain etc with little thought to family, relationships and lifestyle, and doing the things that lead to a deeper sense of life satisfaction.    

Some of my key elements for a great business opportunity are:

• It has to be fun
• Feels right and is based on integrity and respect
• Freedom for me to spend time with my family and friends when I want and to do things I find gratifying
• Time for me to do activities I love related to my health and fitness (I love my sunrise walks and yoga)

“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it”  Charles Buxton

So, how can this be achieved?  A while ago, I read a book called First Things First by Stephen R. Covey et al.  In the book a story was related about an experience someone had in a seminar.  In that seminar the lecturer placed a very large wide mouth jar and several large fist sized rocks on a table.  He asked people to guess how many of the rocks he would be able to put into the jar.  After several guesses were made he placed a number of rocks in the jar until no more could fit in. Then he asked if the jar was full and everybody said yes.  He pulled out a small bucket of gravel from under the table and started to put gravel into the jar, shaking the jar around so the gravel fell into the spaces.  Again he asked if the jar was full and by then people were aware that something was going on so they said “probably not”.   The lecturer reached under the table and this time pulled out a small bucket of sand which he then tipped into the jar, shaking it around so that the sand filled in the spaces between the rocks and the gravel.   By that time the seminar participants knew that when the lecturer asked if the jar was full that the answer was a resounding “NO”.  At which he pulled out a jug of water and managed to carefully pour about a quarter of that water into the jar. 

The point of the demonstration was that if the rocks had not gone in first they would never have been able to get in.  So, I have certain things in my life that are my “rocks” (yes, that is what I call them, which is confusing for people when I say that and I get a few strange looks), some is gravel, some is sand and the rest is water. Often when we plan our days/ weeks/ months etc, we put the gravel and water in first or maybe one or two rocks followed by sand then water.  Now, paying the bills, eating and having a roof over our head is important, but many of us only place  those ”rocks”  in our jars and then start to fill  the remainder with water or sand etc.  Then when we try to put another rock in we have problems and get frustrated and stressed.   Hmmm……. not a recipe for an ideal lifestyle, is it? 

When I look at the key elements of a great opportunity I consider time as well – I make sure that my “rocks” can stay in my “jar” and are not taken out to replaced with sand or water.  

Have a think about what you are allowing to fill your ‘jar’ right now.

P.S - here is  my latest “rock”,  grand-daughter number 4

If you need a bit of help click on this link  http://www.shiftlifestyle.com/ – you will need to give your email address. The 7 steps come to you in weekly videos.

Related articles

• Prioritizing self-care: put the big rocks in first (poeticaperture.com)