Limiting beliefs, defeating self talk and fear

OK, so now you’ve had a couple of weeks to practice on 3 limiting beliefs.  How did you go?

I’ve already shared with you the other day about Delice Kennedy (INSERT LINK)  http://theattitudequeen.wordpress.com/2012/06/26/718/ and how not having limits can create success.

So, now I’d like to share with you what else I noticed while I was on the Gold Coast last weekend. 

The vibe at the seminar was about success and being positive, expanding the comfort zone.  A LOT of people there were out of their comfort zone – more that I would have imagined so I felt better than I had been feeling before I went.   I heard a lot of limiting beliefs and self defeating talk from many people. Also, we all had to face our fears of standing on stage in front of about 150 people.

Several times each day I had my own thoughts and beliefs come up which I had to get rid of and replace with more belief in myself.  What I noticed is that other people will have more faith and belief in what you can do than you do yourself.

Here are some defeating self-talk and limiting beliefs I lifted from Seth Godin’s blog

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/06/whats-on-your-list.html

“I have kids at home, I don’t have a manager, I need to pay off student debt, my boss never lets me, I’m really busy because of soccer season, my knee is acting up, there’s already five galas coming up, my RSI hurts when I type, I don’t have a degree, I have a degree and can’t waste it, I’m not good at that, I tried it before but it didn’t work, I’ve never tried it before, the weather is crazy, isn’t it, the election is right around the corner, it’s been too long at this job they won’t listen to me, I’m going to retire soon, I’m too young, I’ll never learn, it’s too risky…”

So I had an idea that would have been interesting to carry out at the seminar. The main purpose of the weekend was to develop a presentation for your own business, after clarifying the niche, but what I noticed was that some of us were more capable of coming up with ideas for someone else’s business.  The thing is that other people don’t see inside of our heads and what we are thinking.  My idea was that we could be placed into groups to develop a plan for another group member’s business. 

I wonder what would happen if we extended this to our personal lives; if we pretended that we were someone else looking at us.   What could we achieve? 

The only thing stoping you is not allowing yourself to indulge your imagination. 

http://theattitudequeen.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/want-to-have-a-wonderful-life-trust-your-imagination/

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How to ask the right questions

You know, perspective is really important.  It is the way you look at something that makes the difference.    One way to do this is to shift focus. The best way to do that is to ask the right type of questions. 

Let’s look at this more closely.  Imagine that if you ask “how can I lose weight?” you will be finding ways to cut things out of your life – probably foods, and food that you enjoy,  and  getting more exercise – you’d probably see it as a chore.  If on the other hand, you asked yourself – “how can I get fitter and healthier (which is what you would end up if you dieted and exercised more anyway), you would be focussing more optimistically on how to make changes in your life to achieve that goal.  I’m sure you would find ways of exercising that you enjoy, you would perceive the food that you would be eating in a more positive manner and you ‘d enjoy it more as well. 

When I first started walking up the steep streets behind my place, I used to use a mantra as I walked – strong legs, tight butt – in time to my pace – one word per movement  - It worked for me and I found that my physiology changed as well when going uphill – going up seemed a whole lot easier.

There are many other areas in life to change the questions we ask ourselves. 

Instead of asking how can I feel less stressed, ask how can I feel calmer

Make it a question around something that has meaning for you. If you know what your values are, pick out one of those values and find a way to do something around that value. If you value timeout and solitude, ask yourself what can I do, or where can I go, for 15 minutes today –(I have an Art gallery about 2 minutes away and a rose garden about 5 mins down the road.

If fun is something you value ask, “What can I do today to laugh more?”

You’ve got it?

The thing that started this for me today was a video that was emailed to me by a marketing company pointing out that the questions we ask impact upon our results in business, and so it is for any area of our lives. 

The analogy used was that of a very large boat, one of those multi-million dollar ones you see in marinas, weighing tons, being propelled by a small propeller. In other words, it’s the little things that move us forward.  It can be just a small shift in attitude that can create a great day as opposed to a crappy one.

Hmmmmm………So, my question for tomorrow, Monday 6 February is going to be “What can I do to make my day more efficient?”

What will be your question for tomorrow?

The Year of the Dragon: has nothing much to do with my post but it’s Chinese New Year and I thought I’d use it anyway :)

I can assemble a dining table and chairs, a bed and a child’s three wheeler all by myself but not a bloody fit ball!!!!

I bought a fit ball a few months ago and of course it stayed in the spare room in the box for a while.  Tonight I was going to pump it up so I can use it as a seat to sit at my ironing board (where else?) to use my laptop (I know I know!) 

A few minutes of pumping and voila!  NOT

There were instructions which I read and as I was doing so I also read “Important” which I decided were for when using the ball (but always good for a laugh when translated).    You know what?  I really believe that the “Important” is for when trying to pump up the ball.

• No, you don’t need to consult a physician before embarking but please DO consult a psychiatrist and obtain all possible drugs to relieve the anxiety and frustration when part A does not even go close to fitting into hole C (no matter which way you try)
• Wearing lose fitting clothes to keep warm is definitely not needed when it’s summer and the humidity is around 85% however yes, I would like to remove my top and the rest of my scanty clothing before running out naked into the street screaming.
• Always warm up before – well lucky I did some salutes to the sun from my yoga DVD
• Ensure all bands, cables clips and screws are well secured – how did the people in the factory in China know about the clips and cables holding my shoulders together?  

Not only can I NOT sit on the ball but it appears that my “buns” will never be toned

Oh well, I suppose that at least one instruction makes sense – “…can also be used in conjunction with dumbbells”.   Apparently these balls “are ideal” for this  – are they referring to me?

By the way, the pump looks suspiciously like something used to ice cakes – hmmmmm…..

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year everybody.  This is the year of the Water Dragon.  The dragon signifies happiness and success. Tomorrow is also a new moon and that is meant to be a good time to get clear about want you want out of life, ditch the old stuff and start something more positive (yes please, dragon – I would really like to be able to pump up my fit ball)

 

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What nobody told you about breaking bad habits.

There is so much written about changing old habits and creating new ones.  There is also a lot of advice about how to do it and how much time it will take.  I remember reading something once where is was said that it only takes 21 days to make a new habit – really?? are you sure??? 21 days!!!. 

How many times have you started doing something, a new habit or doing something differently and even after a month, two months or even four months, you lapsed back into your old ways.  It doesn’t take much, does it?    And we all do it.  Then it is so easy to give up and not try again. 

It seems that nowadays there is so much emphasis on quick change.  And occasionally it does happen if you have a massive mind shift.   It depends on how much you want it and how much embedded it is in your unconscious mind.  Mostly, it takes time. The other day I was reading a book** I have had for a long time on yoga.  Now I am a bit of a long term on & off yoga person – I started it when I was about 12 and if you really want to know the truth, I’m more off than on – yes, I haven’t made it a habit yet.  Anyway, in the book I came across an explanation of the yogic cycles of time and the specific cycles of time it takes to change old habits and create new ones.  So here it is:

To change an old habit into a new positive one – 40 days

To confirm the new habit in you – 90 days

To allow the habit to become who you are – 120 days

To ensure that you have mastered the habit – 1,000 days

Well, I don’t know about you but I felt much better when I read that.  I realise now that it is fine to feel like wanting to relapse after a month or two or even three – it is actually normal.

A lot of people put themselves down when they resume an old habit after a few months but looking at the yogic cycles, it will take about 6 months to entrench the new habit into you AND approximately 2 years and 9 months years to master that new habit.  21 days does NOT a habit make.

It’s OK to experience feelings of wanting to give up, it is normal to feel like that. The trouble is that so many of us do just that – we give up, and too early according to the yogic cycles.  The easy way is to accept that you feel like giving up, but don’t buy into that feeling; think of it as hmm…. just like that chair over there, an object that you can observe without feeling like you have to go and attach yourself to it.  I mean, come on, how stupid would you look going everywhere with a chair stuck to you.  Accept that it will take time to become the change, and to be that change, unconsciously and easily.  In other words, PUT THAT CHAIR DOWN!!

It takes more than a few grains of sand to make a beach

 

It takes more than a few floors to make a high rise

It takes more than a few drops of salt water to make an ocean

It takes more than a couple of mountains to make a mountain range

It takes more than a few dozen panels to make the Guggenheim

So too it will take more than a few weeks to create your new life. 

I’d really like to hear what you think and what your habit changing journey is like

**Yoga for Women, by Shakta Kuar Khalsa . Published in 2002 by Dorling Kindersley Limited, London

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Bali, sunrises and blogs

Back from Bali and catching up on my emails and the blogs I subscribe to.  Most of them are are very different to mine and often include lots of pics.  Here are the links.  Have a look and let me know what you think:

http://inspiredbeeing.com

http://portraitsofwildflowers.wordpress.com

http://wakeuptiger.blogspot.com

After my few days in Bali, I was feeling a bit chilled so decided to post pics of the month of August starting at the end of the month

The view from the door of my room @ Vision Villas

The rice paddy next door

I think this is in Denpasar – it’s opposite an ATM

The sun setting @ Ulawatu

Part of the dance performed @ sunset.  I can’t remember what it is called.  Maybe you know.

I met some lovely people at the Wealth Dynamics Academy and one lady in particular who was inspiring.  She is an older woman who lives by adage that it is never too late to do anything you want in life.  When I got back home I found the following in an email from a friend who is also living her life as if it is never too late.  If you are in Adelaide, go along for a great evening – it’s FREE:

INVITATION

You are invited to attend a free information evening on “It’s Never Too Late To Make A Change”. Topics covered will be

• Is there are “right” age to make a lifestyle change?
• What is my Passion? My Purpose”
• Living a Life of Meaning
• Impact on Relationships
• Ego and Enjoyment
• Slowing Down or Catching up?

Details: Tuesday September 6th, 6 – 8.00 pm at The Box Factory – Regent Street South (off Halifax Street), Adelaide.

Click here for more information and to register: 

http://us1.campaign-archive2.com/u=e75342f48cabcb1fc8c860240&id=9595be7345&e=de36b9e732
or email gina@adelaidewellbeing.com.au
Ok – now here are some pics of my August 2011 – it wasn’t a very bright month in the early morning as you will see:

 

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National identity: who are you, really?

I read in the Sunday paper today that a journalist, Mia Freedman, was subject to intense abuse after she made a comment on radio about the victory of Cadel Evans in the Tour de France.  She stated that she was happy for him and commented on her feelings about the adulation heaped on sports people and not on other people who do extraordinary things in non-sport areas.  Most of the abuse was horrendous, most of it via cyber space (yep, gotta admire those brave(not) people ).  At one point she was branded “un-Australian”, whatever that means.   Mia pondered the strong association between being “Australian” and sport. If you want to read the article in full, here is the link – http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/mia-culpa-cadel-evans-and-my-week-from-hell-20110730-1i5lx.html

I’m with Mia on that as I have never understood that link either (the sport and national identity one, not the one to the article).  I am not a sporty person, I don’t follow a team sport, I don’t have any interest in attending sporting events and haven’t played any competitive sport for approximately 12 years.  Even then I did it for fun, fitness and a bit of socialisation, not to win.

 Many years ago, when I was in my first year of Uni, one of my assignments was titled along the lines of “What event has occurred in YOUR lifetime that made you proud to be Australian?”. Predictably, most were on sporting moments with the vast majority of those on Australia’s America Cup win (don’t ask me when, I can’t remember the year!).  Anyway, when I received my marked assignment back, the lecturer had left a comment after the mark that it was “refreshing” that I had NOT chosen a sporting occasion.   Actually, I really struggled to find something that made me feel proud to be Aussie – maybe it has to do with no history in this country until after WW2?  Hmmm…No, it is more that most of what is publicised is sporty stuff and the real important things, achievements, events, etc aren’t given due credit.  Does this mean I am, shock, horror…UNAUSTRALIAN?  Will I be deported to a country of one of my parents’ origin?  And, if so, ………. which one???

I came across the following quotes  -  not sure what the first one means.  Maybe you do.

“Canada is the only country in the world that knows how to live without an identity.” 
Marshall McLuhan

“I come from a country and also a continent whose identity is in the making. We’re a very young culture, and I think that things are not yet crystallised.”
Walter Salles     

What are your thoughts??????

Values and ethics (actually, all about values really)

I came across a couple of discussion groups on-line recently that were on values and ethics.  One group had, over a 3 month period, in excess of 900 contributions at the time I wrote this.  The most interesting thing was how different some of the responses were and how similar others were.  The responses are absolutely amazing and I spent so much time reading them my mind was almost boggling.  Google “values and ethics” and there are about 4,640,000 results. 

However, I’d like to talk about values. (Google ‘values’ and get about 147,000,000 results). I have a ‘thing’ about them as some of you may already know.  They are more personal than ethics (and if you want to start a discussion about that comment, please do – I would be so very interested and would love to participate).

The difference in what we all hold as our own values can be affected by wider society, our peers, our culture or sub-culture, our education, media, our age, so many things. 

Even the word ‘value’ is value laden by each of us dependant on our personal value system.   I noticed in the discussions in the on-line groups, some people gave an economic meaning to the word whereas others had a less tangible meaning.  Some people mentioned morals as being linked to values: Some linked values with integrity; I see integrity as a value.

We all have values and they will most probably change over time, and change in priority as our life circumstances change.

Some of the things I valued when I was younger are not so important now. My values certainly shifted in priority when I had children.   I used to value certainty and stability more when I was raising my children as I wanted them to feel secure.  When they were babies, sleep was something much valued (as my younger daughter knows with her latest one).  As they grew older, I used to value sleeping in – now I value getting up early and enjoying the pre-dawn and watching the sun rise.  

Then when they grew up and left home my some of my values shifted in importance; and shifted again when I became a grandparent. Getting older and watching my elderly parents with their health issues before they died has brought health way up the list of values over the past several years. One thing I still value very much – it has never changed – is knowledge and learning.

Quite often we go through life and don’t consciously think about our values.  They are a guide for our behaviour. Those times when we feel uneasy and uncomfortable are probably when we are not being congruent with our values.   

 “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”   Roy E. Disney

Here is a list of some values (in no particular order) you may like to look at to prompt you to think about what your values may be, or what you would like them to be.. Feel free to had your own.

loyalty             respect           honesty          fun     

passion          freedom         happiness     justice                        

punctuality    adventure      success         integrity

love                 security          growth            comfort                      

pride               compassion  connection    safety                        

health             contribution   diversity         achievement

faith                spirituality      discovery       service to others      

innovation     creativity        reliability        determination

joyfulness      co-operation joyfulness      perseverance

I would be very interested to hear from you as to  what you would choose as your top five values?

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The meaning of (your) Life – 4 easy questions to find the answer.

I come across so many people who struggle with balancing work and family.  It seems that work has become the priority. I was talking to someone today who works very long hours and has several children.  She said that she wanted to take a few days off in the next school holidays but was worried about asking for the time, and that if she worked through the holiday period she felt bad anyway about not spending time with her children.

This person tried to make a New Year resolution this year that she would take a few days every school holiday period (and her employment conditions include generous leave provisions) yet still felt guilty. 

Who do we work long hours for?  What is the point of having annual leave, flexi-time, banked leave, long service leave if we don’t use it?  OK, it is different if you have a special trip planned and want to take several weeks off so you hang in there and save your leave – that is a specific purpose.  But when it comes to quality of life, what is the purpose of not taking time to be with the people you love and to do the things you really enjoy?   What does that prove?

“Will this matter a year from now?”
Richard Carlson, writing in Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

I am sure you have read, or heard of, the exercise that involves writing your own eulogy.  If you haven’t, then it is very simple. The idea is to write down what someone would say about you at your funeral, what sort of person were you? what did they love about you?  what special qualities about you will they miss?  what made you so special? what memories do they have about you?

Hmmmmm……………….”Mum (or Dad or whoever) was a great worker and devoted so much time to her work.   She left in the morning while we were having breakfast and was home just in time to say good night.  Sometimes we had to go into the study where she was working to say good night because she often bought work home.  I think she had blue eyes but my sister said she thinks they were brown and our brother said they were hazel”

What matters the most to you? Who matters the most to you? What do you love doing the most? What are you choosing to worry about if you are not at work? And what do you choose to tell yourself about who you are if you take time off work?  Too confusing ????

Four simple questions to ask yourself to find out the meaning of YOUR life:

What will happen if I do?

What will happen if I don’t?  

What won’t happen if I do?

What won’t happen if I don’t?

These questions are good to use with any decisions you are hesitating over.   Try it and let me know how you go.  I am curious about what you come up with. 

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Live the life YOU really want

I read somewhere recently that a definition of suffering is wanting something to be different to what it is.  If that is the case then the bigger the difference, the greater the suffering.

So, I am curious about how you are suffering right now?  What’s really, really bugging you about how your life is and how you want it to be?

“Most people struggle with life balance simply because they haven’t paid the price to decide what is really important to them.”– Stephen Covey
Many times we make choices because we feel that we have to.  We find reasons for the things we do.  We take on values and beliefs we think we should have, often because we want to fit in. 

Maybe it is the place you live in, the city, suburb or town, and you are there because you’ve been told that is what you should aspire to.  You may want to be somewhere else, living a different lifestyle.   Maybe it is the house or apartment you live in.  Maybe it is the job or career you have which you don’t like anymore but you stay with it because of the money. 

You may desire material things because society, culture, media, or peers say it will make your life complete.  You may desperately want to send your children to certain schools, do certain activities so they can have a better (sic) life. You have chosen to believe that you need these things because when you have them you, and your loved ones, will be happy. 

The real price many people pay is time – time for themselves, time for loved ones and time to just ‘be’.   So many people think they don’t have time and often because they think they need to be doing something ‘constructive’ and ‘productive’ even in leisure.  And then they complain about not having life balance.  They then get stressed out trying to make time for relaxation!!

 Those things, those desires you usually have are often not part of your real beliefs and values.  They are what you have taken on as your own because you felt you had to.  If that is the case then why are you choosing to suffer for something you don’t want?  Where is the balance, where is all your energy going?  What is happening to your wellbeing?

What would happen if you stopped taking on other people/society’s values and beliefs?  What if you had the confidence to make decisions based on your true values and beliefs? What is it that you want more than anything in the whole world?  

If you were to cast away everything that cost you money, what would you consider to be priceless in your life right now?   What if what you really wanted, if what would make you happy, is in your life right now but you aren’t even allowing yourself to recognise it?  You never know, you may already have it.  You could have what you want but just can’t see, hear, or feel it because you aren’t being who you are meant to be.

 

 

Life balance is being true to your own values.  It’s having an attitude of faith and trust in YOU.  It’s re-setting your “happiness set point” to YOUR real beliefs.  When you find what it is that you want, what is true to you, you can easily move towards it and have independence from suffering.  Because when you are true and authentic, everything you desire will become effortless.

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