Tag Archives: love

Being Happy

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Today I have decided to give this space over to Di Sutton and her July newsletter (with her permission)

 
Di is a coach who specialises in Matrix Therapy, particularly with women over 35 who are ready to make amazing breakthroughs in their lives and become free from negative influences and emotions.  Her qualifications include:
  • Master Practitioner in Matrix Therapies
  • Practitioner in Neuro-Linguistic Programming
  • Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming
  • Practitioner in Time Line Repatterning
  • Certificate IV in Life Coaching
  • Practitioner in Coach Mastery
  • Your Quest (discovering purpose and passion)
  • Matrix Therapies Advanced Training
  • Matrix Constellations and Archetypes
  • Co-creating the Matrix (Spiritual Program)   

Quote of the month:

It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.

Dale Carnegie

BEING HAPPY

Many people think the ultimate in life is being happy. While it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time, there are some strategies we can use to increase the amount of time we feel happy in life. No one gets it right 100% of the time, we do the best we can.

Recently I attended a seminar conducted by Professor Timothy Sharpe from The Happiness Institute in Sydney and would like to share some of the ideas from that which I found helpful.

Positive psychology is the scientifc study of optimal human functioning. It is about people thriving and flourishing. It is more than seeking pleasure, it is about engaging in life. We can learn to be happy. Positive emotions are helpful and if we have them we are likely to build our lives and open and broaden our mind.

How can we be happy? One of the strategies is to be present. To live in the present moment. People who live in the present moment have

  • health and wellbeing
  • concentration
  • productivity and efficiency
  • happiness and positive emotions
  • good relationships and communication

There is very little difference in people, and the difference that makes the difference is attitude – whether it is positive or negative. There are optimists and pessimists. Optimistic people have a hopefulness and confidence about the future and a successful outcome of something.

Check out The Happiness Institute website for more information: www.thehappinessinstitute.com

Tips for dealing with our ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)

Are you aware of your ANTs? (automatic negative thoughts). We all have them at times. They include:

  • · Catastrophising
  • · Being black and white
  • · Personalising
  • · Mind reading
  • · Over-generalising
  • · Filtering

If you cannot think of examples when you have these, I’m sure you know people who do. Such as the person who is always having dramas in their life. Nothing is simple and calm – all events are full of drama. A way to deal with our ANTs is to be flexible in our thinking and modify our thinking style to suit the context.

We can move between different thinking styles – nothing is right or wrong

4 steps to help deal with our ANTs:

  • · Identify thoughts
  • · Label the ANTs
  • · Question/challenge unhelpful cognitions
  • · Replace with more helpful, realistic ones

Ask, are my thoughts

  • · Realistic
  • · Take into account all the facts
  • · Helpful

Can I look at things

  • From a different angle
  • In another way
  • Is it really that bad
  • Get Temporal perspective (how important will this be in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks’ time?)
  •  Alternate perspectives
  • Problem solving
  • Acceptance

Discovering our top character strengths

Getting to know ourselves is crucial to living an aware life, and discovering our strengths and talents is a sure way to increase our sense of happiness.

If you would like to discover your top 24 character strengths, click on www.viasurvey.org This survey is free and once you have found your strengths, if you would like to know more about making the most of them, email me on di@connexioncoaching.com.au and I will send you additional information.

Please answer me by Noemi Lee
Why do you say

you “hate” happy people?

Does that mean

you hate happiness?

Why is it that

happiness is considered

to be a four letter word?

Must you always

wear a scowl

on your face?

Can’t it take

a bathroom break?

How can you expect

to find happiness

when you continue

to push it

father and farther away?

Why do you hold

such disdain for

happiness?

What wrong has

happiness

done to you?

So, you mean

you’ve never had

happiness?

Then, how can you

hate something

you’ve never known?

Would you like to experience more happiness in your life?
Do you behave in ways that cause unhappiness at times and don’t know where the behaviour comes from?
Are you at a stage in your life where you want change, but are not sure which direction to take?

If you would like to explore this, take advantage of a complimentary 1.5 hour coaching session with Di Sutton, Master Practitioner in Matrix Therapies and Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming
Phone 0401 266 316

di@connexioncoaching.com.au  www.connexioncoaching.com.au

Connexion Coaching

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Values and ethics (actually, all about values really)

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I came across a couple of discussion groups on-line recently that were on values and ethics.  One group had, over a 3 month period, in excess of 900 contributions at the time I wrote this.  The most interesting thing was how different some of the responses were and how similar others were.  The responses are absolutely amazing and I spent so much time reading them my mind was almost boggling.  Google “values and ethics” and there are about 4,640,000 results. 

However, I’d like to talk about values. (Google ‘values’ and get about 147,000,000 results). I have a ‘thing’ about them as some of you may already know.  They are more personal than ethics (and if you want to start a discussion about that comment, please do – I would be so very interested and would love to participate).

The difference in what we all hold as our own values can be affected by wider society, our peers, our culture or sub-culture, our education, media, our age, so many things. 

Even the word ‘value’ is value laden by each of us dependant on our personal value system.   I noticed in the discussions in the on-line groups, some people gave an economic meaning to the word whereas others had a less tangible meaning.  Some people mentioned morals as being linked to values: Some linked values with integrity; I see integrity as a value.

We all have values and they will most probably change over time, and change in priority as our life circumstances change.

Some of the things I valued when I was younger are not so important now. My values certainly shifted in priority when I had children.   I used to value certainty and stability more when I was raising my children as I wanted them to feel secure.  When they were babies, sleep was something much valued (as my younger daughter knows with her latest one).  As they grew older, I used to value sleeping in – now I value getting up early and enjoying the pre-dawn and watching the sun rise.  

Then when they grew up and left home my some of my values shifted in importance; and shifted again when I became a grandparent. Getting older and watching my elderly parents with their health issues before they died has brought health way up the list of values over the past several years. One thing I still value very much – it has never changed – is knowledge and learning.

Quite often we go through life and don’t consciously think about our values.  They are a guide for our behaviour. Those times when we feel uneasy and uncomfortable are probably when we are not being congruent with our values.   

 “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”   Roy E. Disney

Here is a list of some values (in no particular order) you may like to look at to prompt you to think about what your values may be, or what you would like them to be.. Feel free to had your own.

loyalty             respect           honesty          fun     

passion          freedom         happiness     justice                        

punctuality    adventure      success         integrity

love                 security          growth            comfort                      

pride               compassion  connection    safety                        

health             contribution   diversity         achievement

faith                spirituality      discovery       service to others      

innovation     creativity        reliability        determination

joyfulness      co-operation joyfulness      perseverance

I would be very interested to hear from you as to  what you would choose as your top five values?

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What’s your attitude? Fear or love/courage.

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Taking charge and doing what is right for you can be a bit hard for most people. When you think about the decisions you have made in the past, and the ones you are making now…..what emotion were you, and probably still are, choosing to make that decision?? Fear? ….that you may upset someone else by not doing what they want, fear of a new experience, fear of doing something that you have never done before, fear of getting it wrong, or love/courage….love for them/yourself, courage to do what you feel is right for you/them?
Last week I was in a situation where I was waiting, waiting, waiting………… actually, waiting for weeks and weeks ………for a friend to make up her mind about the dates for a trip overseas with me & another friend.
Time was moving on, we were missing out of the cheaper air fares, we couldn’t arrange other parts of our lives, our work, other things we wanted to do because we didn’t really know the dates we would be away. We had a basic itinerary of locations and time frame but even that kept changing to fit in with my friend’s shifting needs and wants. In the end I realised that I wasn’t getting to do much of anything that meant something to me.
It is a very long way to go and NOT do things I enjoy. So I booked a trip for myself to a yoga retreat in France, one that involves other activities I love and one that I had wanted to do for 3 years, putting it off because it was inconvenient for other people.
Now, I could have done nothing and waited some more (and still be waiting). That decision would have been based on fear, fear that I may upset both my friends. Instead, I based my decision on love/courage. My love of learning yoga, meeting new people, my courage in doing what is important to me and my health, my courage in deciding to get right out of my comfort zone, travelling thousands of kilometres by myself (a new experience), exposing myself to another language of which I have only a basic knowledge.
Most people would hesitate to do something like that – they would think that they may hurt the other person’s feelings, tread on their toes, inconvenience them etc. That can be uncomfortable; especially when you think about the law of The Law of Reciprocity – you know – how you treat others is how they will likely treat you. There comes a time though when enough is enough and it is time to do what is important to you.
It’s like this…sometimes it takes courage to choose something that may not feel too good at the time, something out of your comfort zone, but deep down you know is right for yourself or someone else.
If you have small children you’ll know about that  – they want something that is not good for them (like wanting to run out on to the road) and cry and throw a tantrum yet you don’t give in because you know that giving in will not be good for them so you make a decision based on love (care). It’s the same with the decisions we make for ourselves, yet often we will take the easy way out and NOT get what is important to us because we are sacred. Scared of hurting other people and/or scared of being out of our comfort zone.
Yes, there are times when we will make choices that are not what we really want but are important to other people because those choices will be based on love for them NOT fear that they will not like/love us anymore.
That is the important distinction in making decisions – there are times when our love or courage will mean that the needs of others will be more important and other times when love and courage will lead us to make decisions that are not going to be liked by other people.
I may still be able to travel with my friends for part of the trip after my yoga retreat, but even if I can’t that’s OK. At the end of my life I want to look back and be glad that I have experienced my life in a way that is meaningful to me. If the meaning is that I give up something I want out of love for someone else that is fine because I will get enjoyment and happiness from that, but I will not give up my needs out of fear.

P.S. If you are wondering about the photo at the beginning of this post – well, that is next to the launch for the hang-gliders and the view get just as they launch themselves off – some people may feel fear – others only feel love of flying and freedom  :) )

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