About meditation

Too many people take meditation waaay too seriously. They look for the ‘right’ music, ‘right’ place, ‘right’ clothes, the ‘right’ position. If we place requirements (restrictions) on when and how we will meditate, that contradicts what we are trying to achieve. Actually, even striving to achieve anything in meditation is a contradiction.

I mean, think about it, what is the reason most people start meditating? Usually to reduce stress, to become more mindful in their daily lives, to help be more focussed, be able to cope with life better, find focus and find clarity.

Practicing meditation creates better focus on what is important to you. The stress of daily life that we chose to get caught up with is what decreases our focus, our mindfulness. If we chose to NOT get caught up with other stuff we can have less stress. It is a choice we can make. 

Meditation is about accepting that there is stuff happening around us all the time and not getting caught up in it.  It’s not about blocking life out; it’s about being able to deal with it without getting attached to problems. That is the purpose of meditation, to be able to focus and still be aware, but not distracted by other things that are going on.

Meditation is not about having a particular place. It is nice to have lovely surroundings I agree, but not necessary.   When you are first starting out, it may be helpful to have a special place to sit and for it to be quiet.  Be comfortable too so the experience is enjoyable. 

You can meditate any time of day.   It’s not about certain times of the day or anything to do with the moon (I know, I know. I have included a moon pic below – couldn’t help myself :) )   Meditation can be done almost anywhere especially when one becomes more practicised at it.  It is something that can be done anywhere, anytime for any amount of time – it does not have to be an hour, it can be just a few minutes or even 90 seconds.

Meditation is about acceptance and gentle focus. If your mind wanders, just gently bring it back to the focus on your breath. Don’t give up or berate yourself. Placing requirements on your practice is choosing to get stressed about it, to be caught up with unresourceful thinking, almost sabotaging, staying with certainty. There is not much certainty in meditation.  

Eyes closed or open? I suppose the purpose of eyes being close is to facilitate focusing on the breath and not getting distracted. There are meditations that can be done with the eyes open and the purpose of that is to have peripheral vision but still able to focus.  Having your eyes closed is probably better though. 

Each time you begin a session, start as a novice, like this is your first time. Get rid of any expectations about what the session will be like. Sometimes you’ll find it hard to maintain focus, to stop the ‘monkey mind’ chatter, other times it will be easier. Welcome the distractions as a way of strengthening the focus muscle.   Meditating without distractions is not what it is all about.

To make meditation/mindfulness a regular part of daily life, set up triggers for yourself as a reminder to do a few breaths, focus on your breath, take about 4 or 5 and then go back to what you were doing.  Maybe it can be just as you are about to make a phone call, just before you start the car, or when you are waiting for the kettle to boil, the lift to arrive.  Think of triggers that are useful for you.  Take unexpected opportunities when they present themselves. The other morning I was getting dressed for work and the sun had just come up. It was giving off a beautiful golden orange colour so I stood in the open doorway with my eyes closed and just took a few slow focused breaths – a sort of mini meditation – and then finished getting ready.

How to get what YOU want out of your day

How you start the day can impact on how the rest of the day turns out.   I set my day up by going for a walk along the beach and having coffee with friends most days.  That way I get to have exercise, socialise a bit, watch the sun come up and sometimes see dolphins and the odd whale.  Now, it can’t get much better than that :)   After those types of mornings I feel I can deal with anything, also knowing that I can do it again the next day.   It is something I choose to do, to think and to feel.

When my children were very young I used to get up early, before they did so I could have breakfast and read the newspaper in peace.   The purpose of that was to have my timeout BEFORE the day started.   

At a seminar I attended many months ago,  the main speaker was an international businessman who said that he set up his day by asking himself a series of questions as soon as he woke up.   Here they are:

  • What am I grateful for?
  • Who do I love?
  • Why am I so happy?
  • What am I committed to?
  • How committed am I?
  • What is my intention?
  • What is my wish?
  • Why am I here?

Now I get that it would take a while to remember all these questions to ask yourself every day so maybe you’d like to pick just one or two to start with.   

Or, make a list of your own questions.

I have a couple of questions I ask, especially when I have to attend a workplace workshop or something I am not looking forward to –  “I wonder what it will be like?” and “What can I take away from this?  If there is something you do not want to do or take part in, ask yourself about your intention.  Or what you are committed to.

Sometimes no matter what you do things can appear to be getting out of control as the day progresses (or regresses).   In that case, ask some of these questions at those times if they are appropriate to the situation.  If yesterday was awful, ask “What can I do differently today?”.  The reality is that your day depends on your thoughts and your responses.

“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”  Marcus Aurelius

What are you going to ask yourself tomorrow?   I’d love to hear your ideas.

How to avoid becoming overwhelmed by overwhelm

Overwhelm is one of those feelings that we have sometimes.  It seems that a whole lot of things need to get done and all at the same time.  I used to ‘do’ overwhelm in the workplace. I used to look at all the work I needed to get done, thought that it was all too much, didn’t know where to start, OMG what will I do now!!!??? ARRGGHHH

I tried to use time management strategies – yuk! – too boring

block time on the calendar to get tasks done (then something “urgent” would pop up)

send the phone to voicemail and turn off email (still had to find time to deal with that later)

I tried to write out a ’to do’ list – got too OVERWHELMED again!!!! COS IT WAS TOO LONG!!!

Bugger!

What to do????

Overwhelm is an emotion, an emotion that we can CHOOSE to have. Yes, that’s right – we choose it.  The way I got around the feelings of overwhelm was to find my strategy for doing that emotion. 

We all have a strategy for anything we do and any emotion we feel. I suppose it may help if you think about it like brushing your teeth.  Oh yes, we all have a strategy for brushing teeth.  Mine is a bit like this:

go into the bathroom,

go over to the hand-basin,

pick up the toothbrush,

pick up the toothpaste

flick open the lid,………………

Got the idea? 

So, in dealing with overwhelm, think about the latest time you felt overwhelmed.  

  • Remember where you were…………………
  • what it was that you were doing just before the overwhelm occurred?.
  • what were you seeing?…………………………….
  • what were you hearing?…………………………..
  • what were you telling yourself?…………………

If you have a close look at your strategy for overwhelm you can learn to deal with it. It’s all well and good to try and find ways of developing strategies to break the work down, or de-clutter etc but our emotions are not usually experienced consciously.

Approximately 95% of our actions are governed by the unconscious mind. Developing a way to diffuse that emotion will be helpful in being able to think more clearly and find a solution. The road ahead will be easier to see (I really wanted an excuse the insert the following pic LOL)

“The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.”

Richard Cech

So, do one thing at a time.  Uncover your strategy for overwhelm, one step at a time.

I trust that in the next 3 days you will feel overwhelm. When you do, acknowledge that feeling, and then ask your-self the 4 WHAT questions.

Oh, and by the way, please tell me how you went – I’d love to hear about it :)

How to listen better

…………………………………………………….Listen…………………………………………………

One of the key things about being able to communicate is listening, something many of us forget.

I came across this talk the other day and I would like to share it with you. 

I would be very interested in any comments you may have after watching this

 

Being Happy

Today I have decided to give this space over to Di Sutton and her July newsletter (with her permission)

 
Di is a coach who specialises in Matrix Therapy, particularly with women over 35 who are ready to make amazing breakthroughs in their lives and become free from negative influences and emotions.  Her qualifications include:
  • Master Practitioner in Matrix Therapies
  • Practitioner in Neuro-Linguistic Programming
  • Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming
  • Practitioner in Time Line Repatterning
  • Certificate IV in Life Coaching
  • Practitioner in Coach Mastery
  • Your Quest (discovering purpose and passion)
  • Matrix Therapies Advanced Training
  • Matrix Constellations and Archetypes
  • Co-creating the Matrix (Spiritual Program)   

Quote of the month:

It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.

Dale Carnegie

BEING HAPPY

Many people think the ultimate in life is being happy. While it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time, there are some strategies we can use to increase the amount of time we feel happy in life. No one gets it right 100% of the time, we do the best we can.

Recently I attended a seminar conducted by Professor Timothy Sharpe from The Happiness Institute in Sydney and would like to share some of the ideas from that which I found helpful.

Positive psychology is the scientifc study of optimal human functioning. It is about people thriving and flourishing. It is more than seeking pleasure, it is about engaging in life. We can learn to be happy. Positive emotions are helpful and if we have them we are likely to build our lives and open and broaden our mind.

How can we be happy? One of the strategies is to be present. To live in the present moment. People who live in the present moment have

  • health and wellbeing
  • concentration
  • productivity and efficiency
  • happiness and positive emotions
  • good relationships and communication

There is very little difference in people, and the difference that makes the difference is attitude – whether it is positive or negative. There are optimists and pessimists. Optimistic people have a hopefulness and confidence about the future and a successful outcome of something.

Check out The Happiness Institute website for more information: www.thehappinessinstitute.com

Tips for dealing with our ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)

Are you aware of your ANTs? (automatic negative thoughts). We all have them at times. They include:

  • · Catastrophising
  • · Being black and white
  • · Personalising
  • · Mind reading
  • · Over-generalising
  • · Filtering

If you cannot think of examples when you have these, I’m sure you know people who do. Such as the person who is always having dramas in their life. Nothing is simple and calm – all events are full of drama. A way to deal with our ANTs is to be flexible in our thinking and modify our thinking style to suit the context.

We can move between different thinking styles – nothing is right or wrong

4 steps to help deal with our ANTs:

  • · Identify thoughts
  • · Label the ANTs
  • · Question/challenge unhelpful cognitions
  • · Replace with more helpful, realistic ones

Ask, are my thoughts

  • · Realistic
  • · Take into account all the facts
  • · Helpful

Can I look at things

  • From a different angle
  • In another way
  • Is it really that bad
  • Get Temporal perspective (how important will this be in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks’ time?)
  •  Alternate perspectives
  • Problem solving
  • Acceptance

Discovering our top character strengths

Getting to know ourselves is crucial to living an aware life, and discovering our strengths and talents is a sure way to increase our sense of happiness.

If you would like to discover your top 24 character strengths, click on www.viasurvey.org This survey is free and once you have found your strengths, if you would like to know more about making the most of them, email me on di@connexioncoaching.com.au and I will send you additional information.

Please answer me by Noemi Lee
Why do you say

you “hate” happy people?

Does that mean

you hate happiness?

Why is it that

happiness is considered

to be a four letter word?

Must you always

wear a scowl

on your face?

Can’t it take

a bathroom break?

How can you expect

to find happiness

when you continue

to push it

father and farther away?

Why do you hold

such disdain for

happiness?

What wrong has

happiness

done to you?

So, you mean

you’ve never had

happiness?

Then, how can you

hate something

you’ve never known?

Would you like to experience more happiness in your life?
Do you behave in ways that cause unhappiness at times and don’t know where the behaviour comes from?
Are you at a stage in your life where you want change, but are not sure which direction to take?

If you would like to explore this, take advantage of a complimentary 1.5 hour coaching session with Di Sutton, Master Practitioner in Matrix Therapies and Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming
Phone 0401 266 316

di@connexioncoaching.com.au  www.connexioncoaching.com.au

Connexion Coaching

Values and ethics (actually, all about values really)

I came across a couple of discussion groups on-line recently that were on values and ethics.  One group had, over a 3 month period, in excess of 900 contributions at the time I wrote this.  The most interesting thing was how different some of the responses were and how similar others were.  The responses are absolutely amazing and I spent so much time reading them my mind was almost boggling.  Google “values and ethics” and there are about 4,640,000 results. 

However, I’d like to talk about values. (Google ‘values’ and get about 147,000,000 results). I have a ‘thing’ about them as some of you may already know.  They are more personal than ethics (and if you want to start a discussion about that comment, please do – I would be so very interested and would love to participate).

The difference in what we all hold as our own values can be affected by wider society, our peers, our culture or sub-culture, our education, media, our age, so many things. 

Even the word ‘value’ is value laden by each of us dependant on our personal value system.   I noticed in the discussions in the on-line groups, some people gave an economic meaning to the word whereas others had a less tangible meaning.  Some people mentioned morals as being linked to values: Some linked values with integrity; I see integrity as a value.

We all have values and they will most probably change over time, and change in priority as our life circumstances change.

Some of the things I valued when I was younger are not so important now. My values certainly shifted in priority when I had children.   I used to value certainty and stability more when I was raising my children as I wanted them to feel secure.  When they were babies, sleep was something much valued (as my younger daughter knows with her latest one).  As they grew older, I used to value sleeping in – now I value getting up early and enjoying the pre-dawn and watching the sun rise.  

Then when they grew up and left home my some of my values shifted in importance; and shifted again when I became a grandparent. Getting older and watching my elderly parents with their health issues before they died has brought health way up the list of values over the past several years. One thing I still value very much – it has never changed – is knowledge and learning.

Quite often we go through life and don’t consciously think about our values.  They are a guide for our behaviour. Those times when we feel uneasy and uncomfortable are probably when we are not being congruent with our values.   

 “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”   Roy E. Disney

Here is a list of some values (in no particular order) you may like to look at to prompt you to think about what your values may be, or what you would like them to be.. Feel free to had your own.

loyalty             respect           honesty          fun     

passion          freedom         happiness     justice                        

punctuality    adventure      success         integrity

love                 security          growth            comfort                      

pride               compassion  connection    safety                        

health             contribution   diversity         achievement

faith                spirituality      discovery       service to others      

innovation     creativity        reliability        determination

joyfulness      co-operation joyfulness      perseverance

I would be very interested to hear from you as to  what you would choose as your top five values?

The law of attraction: what it can mean

The Law of Attraction – what is it really?  Some people think that if you think something, positive or negative, enough times, it will just happen.  One of my friends believes that.   

This morning she had a go at me about a statement I made – I said “I’m broke”.   I had a few unexpected bills come along – medical expenses – and I need to have them paid up shortly.   Coming so soon after Christmas, and I still haven’t got back on track after my holiday in France, Spain and Istanbul, I have put in place a fairly strict budget.  I didn’t mean that I had NO money, I do.  I want to make sure I am able to pay the bills and still have some left over (and I want to go away again in May).  So, I made some plans.

My friend was concerned about my statement as I had mentioned it once before.  She really believed that just by uttering the words “I am broke” I would attract some bad financial luck, that my finances would suffer.

That blew me away!  My idea of being “broke” and hers are probably very different.  I use “being broke” as a way of making sure I spend only that I need - no mindless consumerism (now, that’s got to be a good thing, don’t you agree?). 

I believe in positive thinking but that is not enough - action needs to be taken.  Hey, if you are standing on a beach and you see a tsunami coming, no amount of potitive thinking is going to prevent that wall of water from washing you away – you need to RUN, get out of there (as soon as you see the water recede!!!!!)

Planning for things , even worst case scenarios is not attracting negative events into your life.   Read my blog for 12/07/10 – I created this lifestyle I have now.  However, there was a point during that time when I left the only permanent job I had – it was part-time - and took on a full-time one that was on a temporary 6 month contract.  That was a real gamble – I had no idea at the beginning of that 6 months where I would be when I finished that contract.  So, I planned for the worst case scenario - being unemployed after the 6 months.  I made some financial decisions so I would be able to pay my bills etc,  in case there was a gap before I found more employment.  And I did -  the job I have now which I got just as my contract was finishing up – no gap at all -   the job that gives me the lifestyle I love.

It’s about risk assessment, a bit like mindfulness.  It is not about ignoring or avoiding thoughts and emotions that are negative, it is acknowledging what is happening, dealing with it, not getting attached to the supposed consequences of a perceived negativity. 

To me, the Law of Attraction is taking action to get the results you want. Think all the postitive thoughts you want; think and dream about your desires………..and then TAKE ACTION. 

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do”.    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe