What nobody told you about breaking bad habits.

There is so much written about changing old habits and creating new ones.  There is also a lot of advice about how to do it and how much time it will take.  I remember reading something once where is was said that it only takes 21 days to make a new habit – really?? are you sure??? 21 days!!!. 

How many times have you started doing something, a new habit or doing something differently and even after a month, two months or even four months, you lapsed back into your old ways.  It doesn’t take much, does it?    And we all do it.  Then it is so easy to give up and not try again. 

It seems that nowadays there is so much emphasis on quick change.  And occasionally it does happen if you have a massive mind shift.   It depends on how much you want it and how much embedded it is in your unconscious mind.  Mostly, it takes time. The other day I was reading a book** I have had for a long time on yoga.  Now I am a bit of a long term on & off yoga person – I started it when I was about 12 and if you really want to know the truth, I’m more off than on – yes, I haven’t made it a habit yet.  Anyway, in the book I came across an explanation of the yogic cycles of time and the specific cycles of time it takes to change old habits and create new ones.  So here it is:

To change an old habit into a new positive one – 40 days

To confirm the new habit in you – 90 days

To allow the habit to become who you are – 120 days

To ensure that you have mastered the habit – 1,000 days

Well, I don’t know about you but I felt much better when I read that.  I realise now that it is fine to feel like wanting to relapse after a month or two or even three – it is actually normal.

A lot of people put themselves down when they resume an old habit after a few months but looking at the yogic cycles, it will take about 6 months to entrench the new habit into you AND approximately 2 years and 9 months years to master that new habit.  21 days does NOT a habit make.

It’s OK to experience feelings of wanting to give up, it is normal to feel like that. The trouble is that so many of us do just that – we give up, and too early according to the yogic cycles.  The easy way is to accept that you feel like giving up, but don’t buy into that feeling; think of it as hmm…. just like that chair over there, an object that you can observe without feeling like you have to go and attach yourself to it.  I mean, come on, how stupid would you look going everywhere with a chair stuck to you.  Accept that it will take time to become the change, and to be that change, unconsciously and easily.  In other words, PUT THAT CHAIR DOWN!!

It takes more than a few grains of sand to make a beach

 

It takes more than a few floors to make a high rise

It takes more than a few drops of salt water to make an ocean

It takes more than a couple of mountains to make a mountain range

It takes more than a few dozen panels to make the Guggenheim

So too it will take more than a few weeks to create your new life. 

I’d really like to hear what you think and what your habit changing journey is like

**Yoga for Women, by Shakta Kuar Khalsa . Published in 2002 by Dorling Kindersley Limited, London

Related articles

• It’s A Lie: Why 21 Days Is Not Enough To Help You Build Lasting Habits (healthmoneysuccess.com)

How to avoid becoming overwhelmed by overwhelm

Overwhelm is one of those feelings that we have sometimes.  It seems that a whole lot of things need to get done and all at the same time.  I used to ‘do’ overwhelm in the workplace. I used to look at all the work I needed to get done, thought that it was all too much, didn’t know where to start, OMG what will I do now!!!??? ARRGGHHH

I tried to use time management strategies – yuk! – too boring

block time on the calendar to get tasks done (then something “urgent” would pop up)

send the phone to voicemail and turn off email (still had to find time to deal with that later)

I tried to write out a ’to do’ list – got too OVERWHELMED again!!!! COS IT WAS TOO LONG!!!

Bugger!

What to do????

Overwhelm is an emotion, an emotion that we can CHOOSE to have. Yes, that’s right – we choose it.  The way I got around the feelings of overwhelm was to find my strategy for doing that emotion. 

We all have a strategy for anything we do and any emotion we feel. I suppose it may help if you think about it like brushing your teeth.  Oh yes, we all have a strategy for brushing teeth.  Mine is a bit like this:

go into the bathroom,

go over to the hand-basin,

pick up the toothbrush,

pick up the toothpaste

flick open the lid,………………

Got the idea? 

So, in dealing with overwhelm, think about the latest time you felt overwhelmed.  

• Remember where you were…………………
• what it was that you were doing just before the overwhelm occurred?.
• what were you seeing?…………………………….
• what were you hearing?…………………………..
• what were you telling yourself?…………………

If you have a close look at your strategy for overwhelm you can learn to deal with it. It’s all well and good to try and find ways of developing strategies to break the work down, or de-clutter etc but our emotions are not usually experienced consciously.

Approximately 95% of our actions are governed by the unconscious mind. Developing a way to diffuse that emotion will be helpful in being able to think more clearly and find a solution. The road ahead will be easier to see (I really wanted an excuse the insert the following pic LOL)

“The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.”

Richard Cech

So, do one thing at a time.  Uncover your strategy for overwhelm, one step at a time.

I trust that in the next 3 days you will feel overwhelm. When you do, acknowledge that feeling, and then ask your-self the 4 WHAT questions.

Oh, and by the way, please tell me how you went – I’d love to hear about it

Related articles

• “Smile, breathe and go slowly.” (bloomanyway.wordpress.com)

Three very simple steps to improve your life and have total freedom

Today I thought I’d have a bit of fun and do an entry that is different.  I come across people who live like this and am constantly amazed by that attitude! 

Three very easy ways to have total freedom (?)

1/  Blame everyone or everything else for anything that happens and you will never be at fault!!!  I mean it is not your fault that you didn’t get to the job interview on time – the trains were late and the traffic was bad – how were you supposed to know that.  

And it wasn’t your fault you got the sack – if your boss hadn’t been nasty you wouldn’t have told him off.  Your parents were awful to you and favoured your brother and that is why you find it hard to accept criticism; and that last boss you had had no right to criticise you anyway because it wasn’t your fault that the other company got the contract.  Your colleague wouldn’t help you when the deadline was nearly up – talk about lack of team-work, and it wasn’t your fault you were running late with that contract because…..

2/ Procrastinate. I mean how else can you make an informed decision if you don’t wait and see what else is available.  Besides, it is not good for your health to get stressed about stuff; you need to have a balance and take it easy, right?  Procrastination is also good because you can’t go wrong – that’s right – if you keep putting things off, you will never make any mistakes again!!  How good is that?   Now you can just chill out and relax………………….

3/ Negativity.  Be negative and you will never be disappointed.  If you look for the worst in everyone and everything you can be right nearly all the time – imagine how much more happier you will be if you are nearly always right.   Your job (well the one you had before getting sacked) was awful; you never got any recognition for your work and your colleagues were unfriendly.  When you go for job interviews the interviewers don’t know what they are talking about and ask you stupid questions…….. I mean, you are always right, aren’t you!  Who are all these people anyway, and what do they know?  Now, I could give you more advice on the three steps, but why should I?  I probably have got it all wrong and you will know more than me about this. So,………………………………..

 follow the above three very easy and very simple steps and you will never, ever have to take responsibility for your life and decisions again, leaving you total and utter freedom!!!!

I am sure you have heard some other ways from people you know, or have met, on how to achieve this lifestyle so, please share them with me – I’m really curious to know more about this type of attitude.

 

The law of attraction: what it can mean

The Law of Attraction – what is it really?  Some people think that if you think something, positive or negative, enough times, it will just happen.  One of my friends believes that.   

This morning she had a go at me about a statement I made – I said “I’m broke”.   I had a few unexpected bills come along – medical expenses – and I need to have them paid up shortly.   Coming so soon after Christmas, and I still haven’t got back on track after my holiday in France, Spain and Istanbul, I have put in place a fairly strict budget.  I didn’t mean that I had NO money, I do.  I want to make sure I am able to pay the bills and still have some left over (and I want to go away again in May).  So, I made some plans.

My friend was concerned about my statement as I had mentioned it once before.  She really believed that just by uttering the words “I am broke” I would attract some bad financial luck, that my finances would suffer.

That blew me away!  My idea of being “broke” and hers are probably very different.  I use “being broke” as a way of making sure I spend only that I need - no mindless consumerism (now, that’s got to be a good thing, don’t you agree?). 

I believe in positive thinking but that is not enough - action needs to be taken.  Hey, if you are standing on a beach and you see a tsunami coming, no amount of potitive thinking is going to prevent that wall of water from washing you away – you need to RUN, get out of there (as soon as you see the water recede!!!!!)

Planning for things , even worst case scenarios is not attracting negative events into your life.   Read my blog for 12/07/10 – I created this lifestyle I have now.  However, there was a point during that time when I left the only permanent job I had – it was part-time - and took on a full-time one that was on a temporary 6 month contract.  That was a real gamble – I had no idea at the beginning of that 6 months where I would be when I finished that contract.  So, I planned for the worst case scenario - being unemployed after the 6 months.  I made some financial decisions so I would be able to pay my bills etc,  in case there was a gap before I found more employment.  And I did -  the job I have now which I got just as my contract was finishing up – no gap at all -   the job that gives me the lifestyle I love.

It’s about risk assessment, a bit like mindfulness.  It is not about ignoring or avoiding thoughts and emotions that are negative, it is acknowledging what is happening, dealing with it, not getting attached to the supposed consequences of a perceived negativity. 

To me, the Law of Attraction is taking action to get the results you want. Think all the postitive thoughts you want; think and dream about your desires………..and then TAKE ACTION. 

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do”.    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe