Values and ethics (actually, all about values really)

I came across a couple of discussion groups on-line recently that were on values and ethics.  One group had, over a 3 month period, in excess of 900 contributions at the time I wrote this.  The most interesting thing was how different some of the responses were and how similar others were.  The responses are absolutely amazing and I spent so much time reading them my mind was almost boggling.  Google “values and ethics” and there are about 4,640,000 results. 

However, I’d like to talk about values. (Google ‘values’ and get about 147,000,000 results). I have a ‘thing’ about them as some of you may already know.  They are more personal than ethics (and if you want to start a discussion about that comment, please do – I would be so very interested and would love to participate).

The difference in what we all hold as our own values can be affected by wider society, our peers, our culture or sub-culture, our education, media, our age, so many things. 

Even the word ‘value’ is value laden by each of us dependant on our personal value system.   I noticed in the discussions in the on-line groups, some people gave an economic meaning to the word whereas others had a less tangible meaning.  Some people mentioned morals as being linked to values: Some linked values with integrity; I see integrity as a value.

We all have values and they will most probably change over time, and change in priority as our life circumstances change.

Some of the things I valued when I was younger are not so important now. My values certainly shifted in priority when I had children.   I used to value certainty and stability more when I was raising my children as I wanted them to feel secure.  When they were babies, sleep was something much valued (as my younger daughter knows with her latest one).  As they grew older, I used to value sleeping in – now I value getting up early and enjoying the pre-dawn and watching the sun rise.  

Then when they grew up and left home my some of my values shifted in importance; and shifted again when I became a grandparent. Getting older and watching my elderly parents with their health issues before they died has brought health way up the list of values over the past several years. One thing I still value very much – it has never changed – is knowledge and learning.

Quite often we go through life and don’t consciously think about our values.  They are a guide for our behaviour. Those times when we feel uneasy and uncomfortable are probably when we are not being congruent with our values.   

 “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”   Roy E. Disney

Here is a list of some values (in no particular order) you may like to look at to prompt you to think about what your values may be, or what you would like them to be.. Feel free to had your own.

loyalty             respect           honesty          fun     

passion          freedom         happiness     justice                        

punctuality    adventure      success         integrity

love                 security          growth            comfort                      

pride               compassion  connection    safety                        

health             contribution   diversity         achievement

faith                spirituality      discovery       service to others      

innovation     creativity        reliability        determination

joyfulness      co-operation joyfulness      perseverance

I would be very interested to hear from you as to  what you would choose as your top five values?

Related articles

• Living with a set of values… (antonvandenberg.wordpress.com)

How to get rid of the fear of failure and be wildly successful at the same time

I read a story yesterday about an executive in a company who walked into a meeting and handed out a number of “Forgiveness Coupons” to each of his staff. He told them that he wanted certain outcomes to be achieved in the company and he expected that they would have to take many risks to do so .  The executive also told his staff that in the process of taking those risks, they would make mistakes.  The coupons were permission to make those mistakes, and they were expected to use the coupons up within the year.  I don’t know about you, but I never had a boss tell me to try something and it was OK, or even expected, to make mistakes along the way.

How good it would feel if you knew that you could try out different ideas or ways of doing something and it didn’t matter if it was not as good as you thought it may be?  Have you heard about Thomas Edison and how many attempts he made to find the right material for the filament in the light bulb? Here is what he had to say about that

“I failed my way to success”.
Thomas Edison

What about the many attempts made to invent what we now take for granted such as electricity, cars, planes, building materials, computers and other appliances etc.  Do you really think that all those things were able to be created in the form that was successful the very first time?   

If you have young children or babies, spend some time watching them.  Look how they try something new over and over even though they may not get the result we adults can get.  What about when they insist that you let them do something even though you want to do it for them to “do it right” or because it will be quicker. Why do you think a three year old can work a new piece of electronic equipment and older adults struggle?  It’s because as we get older we become too concerned about getting it right.  We are scared that we may make a mistake.

What if the word ‘failure’ was replaced with ‘feedback’?

What if you allowed yourself to try something totally new and didn’t work focus on getting it right?  What could you do then?  Or consider this, what if you didn’t get the result you wanted BUT instead you ended up with something much BETTER than you thought you could ever have??

Sometimes the act of making a mistake or having a “failure” can open doors for so many other opportunities and experiences.  The trick is to go through the door and to the other side.

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one”.
Elbert Hubbard

Related articles

• Are you playing it safe? (barrygottlieb.wordpress.com)
• Story of a deaf school drop out : Tommy E!& some famed failures (innerdialect.wordpress.com)

positive psychology: how to have a better life and save time

I was listening to something recently on positive psychology.  Apparently it is not a new idea and had been around even in the times of the Greek philosophers.  The person presenting the programme mentionted one of the uses of positive psychology is about using strengths to deal with life instead of trying to boost those qualities of which you have little, and using those lesser qualities to solve things.  E.g., if you have a problem and a friend tells you how they went about dealing with it, it may not work for you and then you could feel worse.  Using strengths is more important than trying to correct deficits. It is a science, not a religion or a philosophy, and has been proven with research and scientific methods. It stops looking at what is wrong with you and starts by looking at what is right with you. 

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”.
Aristotle

Using your strengths can make you feel happier, more engaged with life in general, more productive at work even.

I was in a team once with someone who was almost the exact opposite of me – I am a very big picture person, great at starting things, writing certain types of reports and dealing with certain people.  My colleague loved staying in the background, picking up what others had started, creating systems and doing all the finer details.  There were many tasks we had to do that were similar; we worked brilliantly together because we recognised our individual strengths and worked with those instead of each trying to do every single task equally.  It worked so well that we were able to do the work of three people easily when another member of the team was off work for 3 months.  Using your strengths can be a real timesaver and make life a lot easier!

We all have strengths.  A study was conducted in which it was shown that even the act of identifying strengths had an impact making people happier and temporarily reducing symptoms of depression.  By acting on using just one of those strengths to deal with some problems it increased the person’s feeling of wellbeing and satisfaction and the reduction of symptoms of depression was much longer lasting.

Sometimes we may not recognise our strengths as we are usually conditioned to not talk about what is good about ourselves – I mean how many times have you been given a complimented on one of your qualities, and brushed it aside? Often the focus is on ‘fixing’ weaknesses.

One way to focus on strengths, especially in the workplace, is the two-step acknowledgement.  Now I understand that some people like to use the ‘sandwich’ technique whereby feedback consists of a positive, a negative and then another positive. 

Identifying and acknowledging strengths is a more affirming method when giving people feedback.  Instead of telling someone “You did well on the interstate communication problem and not good on the problem we are still having with the timeframes however, you did well with….etc:, you can say “You did a very good job solving that problem we had with the interstate communication. The way you were able to focus on the finer details until you found the answer and then to explain it so clearly to everyone else was great.  I can see that you will be able to use your attention to detail and your ability to communicate clearly with the problem we are now having with the timeframes.”  In this way the focus is on the person’s strengths and not on the weaknesses: it opens the way to deal with problems more successfully.

Imagine if you only ever received this type of feedback from your boss.  Imagine how you would feel each day going to work knowing that whatever problems arose, you would be more likely to find a solution. Imagine knowing that your efforts were encouraged.  Imagine your productivity and general sense of satisfaction increasing. 

Don’t wait for someone to acknowledge you and your strengths – find them yourself and start using them now.  Copy and paste the following link into your browser and you can take part in a free survey to find your greatest strengths. 

http://www.viacharacter.org/

I did and found that my top five strengths, in order, are:

• Love of learning
• Curiosity and interest in the world
• Capacity to love and be loved
• Gratitude
• Zest, enthusiasm, and energy

Where are you strong in your life and how can you use that to manage your not so strong points to have a greater life?

“Insist on yourself. Never imitate”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com/blog/

Live the life YOU really want

I read somewhere recently that a definition of suffering is wanting something to be different to what it is.  If that is the case then the bigger the difference, the greater the suffering.

So, I am curious about how you are suffering right now?  What’s really, really bugging you about how your life is and how you want it to be?

“Most people struggle with life balance simply because they haven’t paid the price to decide what is really important to them.”– Stephen Covey
Many times we make choices because we feel that we have to.  We find reasons for the things we do.  We take on values and beliefs we think we should have, often because we want to fit in. 

Maybe it is the place you live in, the city, suburb or town, and you are there because you’ve been told that is what you should aspire to.  You may want to be somewhere else, living a different lifestyle.   Maybe it is the house or apartment you live in.  Maybe it is the job or career you have which you don’t like anymore but you stay with it because of the money. 

You may desire material things because society, culture, media, or peers say it will make your life complete.  You may desperately want to send your children to certain schools, do certain activities so they can have a better (sic) life. You have chosen to believe that you need these things because when you have them you, and your loved ones, will be happy. 

The real price many people pay is time – time for themselves, time for loved ones and time to just ‘be’.   So many people think they don’t have time and often because they think they need to be doing something ‘constructive’ and ‘productive’ even in leisure.  And then they complain about not having life balance.  They then get stressed out trying to make time for relaxation!!

 Those things, those desires you usually have are often not part of your real beliefs and values.  They are what you have taken on as your own because you felt you had to.  If that is the case then why are you choosing to suffer for something you don’t want?  Where is the balance, where is all your energy going?  What is happening to your wellbeing?

What would happen if you stopped taking on other people/society’s values and beliefs?  What if you had the confidence to make decisions based on your true values and beliefs? What is it that you want more than anything in the whole world?  

If you were to cast away everything that cost you money, what would you consider to be priceless in your life right now?   What if what you really wanted, if what would make you happy, is in your life right now but you aren’t even allowing yourself to recognise it?  You never know, you may already have it.  You could have what you want but just can’t see, hear, or feel it because you aren’t being who you are meant to be.

 

 

Life balance is being true to your own values.  It’s having an attitude of faith and trust in YOU.  It’s re-setting your “happiness set point” to YOUR real beliefs.  When you find what it is that you want, what is true to you, you can easily move towards it and have independence from suffering.  Because when you are true and authentic, everything you desire will become effortless.

Related articles

• Identifying and Clarifying Values (kingpincoach.com)