…………………………………………………….Listen…………………………………………………
One of the key things about being able to communicate is listening, something many of us forget.
I came across this talk the other day and I would like to share it with you.
I would be very interested in any comments you may have after watching this
I read in the Sunday paper today that a journalist, Mia Freedman, was subject to intense abuse after she made a comment on radio about the victory of Cadel Evans in the Tour de France. She stated that she was happy for him and commented on her feelings about the adulation heaped on sports people and not on other people who do extraordinary things in non-sport areas. Most of the abuse was horrendous, most of it via cyber space (yep, gotta admire those brave(not) people ). At one point she was branded “un-Australian”, whatever that means. Mia pondered the strong association between being “Australian” and sport. If you want to read the article in full, here is the link – http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/mia-culpa-cadel-evans-and-my-week-from-hell-20110730-1i5lx.html
I’m with Mia on that as I have never understood that link either (the sport and national identity one, not the one to the article). I am not a sporty person, I don’t follow a team sport, I don’t have any interest in attending sporting events and haven’t played any competitive sport for approximately 12 years. Even then I did it for fun, fitness and a bit of socialisation, not to win.
Many years ago, when I was in my first year of Uni, one of my assignments was titled along the lines of “What event has occurred in YOUR lifetime that made you proud to be Australian?”. Predictably, most were on sporting moments with the vast majority of those on Australia’s America Cup win (don’t ask me when, I can’t remember the year!). Anyway, when I received my marked assignment back, the lecturer had left a comment after the mark that it was “refreshing” that I had NOT chosen a sporting occasion. Actually, I really struggled to find something that made me feel proud to be Aussie – maybe it has to do with no history in this country until after WW2? Hmmm…No, it is more that most of what is publicised is sporty stuff and the real important things, achievements, events, etc aren’t given due credit. Does this mean I am, shock, horror…UNAUSTRALIAN? Will I be deported to a country of one of my parents’ origin? And, if so, ………. which one???
I came across the following quotes - not sure what the first one means. Maybe you do.
“Canada is the only country in the world that knows how to live without an identity.”
Marshall McLuhan
“I come from a country and also a continent whose identity is in the making. We’re a very young culture, and I think that things are not yet crystallised.”
Walter Salles
What are your thoughts??????
I came across a couple of discussion groups on-line recently that were on values and ethics. One group had, over a 3 month period, in excess of 900 contributions at the time I wrote this. The most interesting thing was how different some of the responses were and how similar others were. The responses are absolutely amazing and I spent so much time reading them my mind was almost boggling. Google “values and ethics” and there are about 4,640,000 results.
However, I’d like to talk about values. (Google ‘values’ and get about 147,000,000 results). I have a ‘thing’ about them as some of you may already know. They are more personal than ethics (and if you want to start a discussion about that comment, please do – I would be so very interested and would love to participate).
The difference in what we all hold as our own values can be affected by wider society, our peers, our culture or sub-culture, our education, media, our age, so many things.
Even the word ‘value’ is value laden by each of us dependant on our personal value system. I noticed in the discussions in the on-line groups, some people gave an economic meaning to the word whereas others had a less tangible meaning. Some people mentioned morals as being linked to values: Some linked values with integrity; I see integrity as a value.
We all have values and they will most probably change over time, and change in priority as our life circumstances change.
Some of the things I valued when I was younger are not so important now. My values certainly shifted in priority when I had children. I used to value certainty and stability more when I was raising my children as I wanted them to feel secure. When they were babies, sleep was something much valued (as my younger daughter knows with her latest one). As they grew older, I used to value sleeping in – now I value getting up early and enjoying the pre-dawn and watching the sun rise.
Then when they grew up and left home my some of my values shifted in importance; and shifted again when I became a grandparent. Getting older and watching my elderly parents with their health issues before they died has brought health way up the list of values over the past several years. One thing I still value very much – it has never changed – is knowledge and learning.
Quite often we go through life and don’t consciously think about our values. They are a guide for our behaviour. Those times when we feel uneasy and uncomfortable are probably when we are not being congruent with our values.
“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” Roy E. Disney
Here is a list of some values (in no particular order) you may like to look at to prompt you to think about what your values may be, or what you would like them to be.. Feel free to had your own.
loyalty respect honesty fun
passion freedom happiness justice
punctuality adventure success integrity
love security growth comfort
pride compassion connection safety
health contribution diversity achievement
faith spirituality discovery service to others
innovation creativity reliability determination
joyfulness co-operation joyfulness perseverance
I would be very interested to hear from you as to what you would choose as your top five values?
I was doing an exercise the other day which involved creating awareness of ‘opportunity’. The exercise was to make a list of the key elements necessary for a business opportunity to be worth pursuing. This is important because when the right opportunity comes along the decision to pursue it can be made quickly, before it disappears. When I did the exercise I made 2 lists, one for business and another for lifestyle and then merged them. Any opportunity for my business will have to take into account my ideal lifestyle as well.
In my coaching practice, when I take my clients through the business goal planning process, I ask them to also write down non-business goals as well. Now, I am not talking about material things such as buying a new car, having a mortgage paid, designer clothes etc. I mean personal goals such as learning a language, having time to go dancing, doing regular yoga classes, getting fitter, volunteer work, goals some people never consider when creating a business plan.
It is not often that people plan and make goals for personal satisfaction. Most planning is for work/career/monetary gain etc with little thought to family, relationships and lifestyle, and doing the things that lead to a deeper sense of life satisfaction.
Some of my key elements for a great business opportunity are:
“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it” Charles Buxton
So, how can this be achieved? A while ago, I read a book called First Things First by Stephen R. Covey et al. In the book a story was related about an experience someone had in a seminar. In that seminar the lecturer placed a very large wide mouth jar and several large fist sized rocks on a table. He asked people to guess how many of the rocks he would be able to put into the jar. After several guesses were made he placed a number of rocks in the jar until no more could fit in. Then he asked if the jar was full and everybody said yes. He pulled out a small bucket of gravel from under the table and started to put gravel into the jar, shaking the jar around so the gravel fell into the spaces. Again he asked if the jar was full and by then people were aware that something was going on so they said “probably not”. The lecturer reached under the table and this time pulled out a small bucket of sand which he then tipped into the jar, shaking it around so that the sand filled in the spaces between the rocks and the gravel. By that time the seminar participants knew that when the lecturer asked if the jar was full that the answer was a resounding “NO”. At which he pulled out a jug of water and managed to carefully pour about a quarter of that water into the jar.
The point of the demonstration was that if the rocks had not gone in first they would never have been able to get in. So, I have certain things in my life that are my “rocks” (yes, that is what I call them, which is confusing for people when I say that and I get a few strange looks), some is gravel, some is sand and the rest is water. Often when we plan our days/ weeks/ months etc, we put the gravel and water in first or maybe one or two rocks followed by sand then water. Now, paying the bills, eating and having a roof over our head is important, but many of us only place those ”rocks” in our jars and then start to fill the remainder with water or sand etc. Then when we try to put another rock in we have problems and get frustrated and stressed. Hmmm……. not a recipe for an ideal lifestyle, is it?
When I look at the key elements of a great opportunity I consider time as well – I make sure that my “rocks” can stay in my “jar” and are not taken out to replaced with sand or water.
Have a think about what you are allowing to fill your ‘jar’ right now.
P.S - here is my latest “rock”, grand-daughter number 4
If you need a bit of help click on this link http://www.shiftlifestyle.com/ – you will need to give your email address. The 7 steps come to you in weekly videos.
Abundant thinking is a form of positive thinking. It is about creating a mindset of positive values that allows you to see your life as one of abundance, not one of deficit. It allows you to flip your mental attitude from negative to positive and appreciate how much you have in your life to be grateful for.
Abundant thinking is all about changing how you view your personal circumstances so that you can change how you view the world at large. It is realizing that you can be the cause of your happiness and achievement in life through your focus on what you have, rather than on what you don’t have.
However, it does not mean that you to stop striving for more and just accept your lot in life; rather it teaches quite the opposite: that by acknowledging how abundant your life is already, your mind will embrace the concept that the good things in life are potentially unlimited. The following quote is attributed to Kabir:
“Look at you, you madman! Screaming you are thirsty and dying in a desert,
when all around you there is nothing but water!”
With an abundant mind-set, you start to notice opportunities where once you saw none, you may even realise that you already have that which you desired.
Abundant means to be richly supplied; to be overflowing, to have plenty. This means that you should have no fear of asking for more. Nor should you fear giving in case you may run out of whatever it is that you have. Abundance is a store that never runs out of its goods, however, is not about greed. It is taking what you need and not more just in case you may run out. Wanting and taking more that you need is having the attitude of scarcity, the opposite of abundance. It creates fear and limits around what can be achieved.
Abundant thinking is a life philosophy that encompasses your belief about yourself. It is about expanding your comfort zone and getting rid of limiting beliefs about what it is possible to feel, to say and to do.
Where money is the issue, it is viewed as a tool that allows a better quality of life, freeing you to do other things such as volunteer work, helping those who are less fortunate, spending time with you children, partner, friends, mentoring someone, providing employment to someone to do that which takes up your time better spent doing above.
How can you have an abundant lifestyle?
Where can you find more time to do the things you enjoy the most?
How can you spend more time with the people you love?
What can you change in your life to live it the abundant way?
I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts on this 
I read somewhere recently that a definition of suffering is wanting something to be different to what it is. If that is the case then the bigger the difference, the greater the suffering.
So, I am curious about how you are suffering right now? What’s really, really bugging you about how your life is and how you want it to be?
“Most people struggle with life balance simply because they haven’t paid the price to decide what is really important to them.”– Stephen Covey
Many times we make choices because we feel that we have to. We find reasons for the things we do. We take on values and beliefs we think we should have, often because we want to fit in.
Maybe it is the place you live in, the city, suburb or town, and you are there because you’ve been told that is what you should aspire to. You may want to be somewhere else, living a different lifestyle. Maybe it is the house or apartment you live in. Maybe it is the job or career you have which you don’t like anymore but you stay with it because of the money.
You may desire material things because society, culture, media, or peers say it will make your life complete. You may desperately want to send your children to certain schools, do certain activities so they can have a better (sic) life. You have chosen to believe that you need these things because when you have them you, and your loved ones, will be happy.
The real price many people pay is time – time for themselves, time for loved ones and time to just ‘be’. So many people think they don’t have time and often because they think they need to be doing something ‘constructive’ and ‘productive’ even in leisure. And then they complain about not having life balance. They then get stressed out trying to make time for relaxation!!
Those things, those desires you usually have are often not part of your real beliefs and values. They are what you have taken on as your own because you felt you had to. If that is the case then why are you choosing to suffer for something you don’t want? Where is the balance, where is all your energy going? What is happening to your wellbeing?
What would happen if you stopped taking on other people/society’s values and beliefs? What if you had the confidence to make decisions based on your true values and beliefs? What is it that you want more than anything in the whole world?
If you were to cast away everything that cost you money, what would you consider to be priceless in your life right now? What if what you really wanted, if what would make you happy, is in your life right now but you aren’t even allowing yourself to recognise it? You never know, you may already have it. You could have what you want but just can’t see, hear, or feel it because you aren’t being who you are meant to be.
Life balance is being true to your own values. It’s having an attitude of faith and trust in YOU. It’s re-setting your “happiness set point” to YOUR real beliefs. When you find what it is that you want, what is true to you, you can easily move towards it and have independence from suffering. Because when you are true and authentic, everything you desire will become effortless.
